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THIS WEEK’S LETTERS
Watch This Behaviour!

My dear Jil, you have to be careful about a self-centered attitude in a relationship. It has consequences.The problem many times is that people who exercise this trait are so used to it they’re not even self-aware.They’re used to getting away with intolerable behavior. That is until the pliant boyfriend says he’s had enough. Then like Esau they begin to cry to have the man back. They begin to beg for what was theirs. Unbearable behavior cannot be your operating system. You will lose the relationship, even in marriage. Selfishness inoculates against sensitivity.


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Those Other Factors

My dear Jack, you’re letting your hormones decide for you, and you’re going to make a mistake. Of course sexual attraction matters in a relationship. But it’s not the all and be all. There are other things to consider. Character matters. And so does temperament. And cultural values – things like taste, exposure, knowledge… The key is to have a balance. That balance is an aggregation of critical factors like character as well as custom factors. “I like a woman who sings and looks like Adele” is a custom factor for example. It’s a peculiar desire.


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