You know that guy’s not good for you despite the rough appeal and sexual magnetism. He somehow reminds me of a bloke who dated a young woman I know. He appealed to parts of her many young men could not get to. (She’s the cerebral type). They could talk! The relationship was sometimes consummatorily proximate and she struggled with it. She struggled with her conscience, her faith, her upbringing. She didn’t want pre-marital sex. Inside her was a line drawn.
Well, one day the guy invited her to his birthday party. This was a day after another attempt at sexual assignation with her. To her shock and horror, he introduced her to his fiancé matter-of-factly at the party! She was an undergraduate in a city university: young and innocent looking. They were getting married in a week! He’d never mentioned another woman, not to talk of a fiancé. Indeed the birthday was a matrimonial send-off party of sorts.
Our young lady quickly recovered, regained her composure and tossed a barb or two in caustic wit. Unfortunately, it flew over the head of the fiancé. She was out of depth. Our young lady gulped it all down with a bottle of Coke and quickly evacuated the crime scene thanking God for deliverance.
The gentleman, if we can call him that, got married to his fresh faced undergraduate. And they lived… Wait, the story isn’t ended.
Barely four weeks after the wedding, this dilettante was on the phone asking to see our young lady again! In other words, immediately after his honeymoon, he sought to resume the relationship! (This guy’s deviousness is symptomatological of a dreaded pathological disease). Let me try and explain what I think happened to this “smart” fellow, and may God deliver us from Beelzebub!
He was obviously dating multiple women as you can see. Each supplied his needs according to her peculiar gifting. From our young lady he got intellectual stimulation. From the clueless victim now wife, he got fresh faced innocence. He probably got beauty from another lady and sartorial feast from another. Maybe professional network from yet, yet another. Of course he got signature coitus from multiple sources, each in varied temperament. Thus he created a matrix from feminine biological resources. That matrix met his complex psychopathic needs.
Now he knew who he was going to marry but chose to serially defoliate other women. And some didn’t ask questions apparently. He gave everyone the impression of an exclusive relationship. And since they didn’t ask questions, he was not morally liable. Talk of legalistic interpretation of self-righteousness – crude unambivalent moral sophistry.
Now the moment he made his marriage announcement, his matrix fell apart. The composite “lady” dissolved as everyone else withdrew. He was left with his fresh-faced choice. And only then did he realise the inadequacy of the part that became the whole in his arms – poor thing!
He panicked! She would never be adequate for him. He had married a one-fifth. No more intellectual stimulation. No more variegated physiographical sex. No more fashion hors d’oeuvres. No more network. All he had was innocence. He slept with innocence and violated its pristine essence. The allure, borne out of conspiratorial secrecy disappeared!
And that was when he began to call our young lady again. Probably reached out to others as well. He was re-assembling his matrix. He wants to eat his cake and have it. Fortunately for our young lady, common sense prevailed. She refused to pick his calls.
You can’t afford to be ruled by your feelings. Your future can’t be determined by base sensual feelings. Contrary to that famous saying, love is not blind! It can choose to wear rose tinted sunglasses but it’s not blind. The idea of tragic love must stay within the pages of romantic paperbacks, lest your life imitates art.
Don’t date Beelzebub! A handsome Beelzebub discharging sexual static is an even more dangerous Beelzebub.
Your mentor, LA.
©Leke Alder 2013