My dear Jil, I do appreciate your candour in acknowledging that you sometimes have sexual pressure as a woman. Denial creates its own pressure through false personal standards. Let me give you the male perspective on sex. You’ll find it most useful in relating to the opposite sex. I’m going to give you insight into the inner workings of a man’s mind as regards sex – show you the mechanics. You’ll understand why a guy professing undying love can suddenly drop you after consummation of his lust. You’ll also understand why a man will date a girl for so long, sleeping with her all along but go on to marry his preserved.
The first thing to note is, before marriage your value as a woman is tied to the economics of sex supply and availability. (Young men appropriate the laws of economics in determining the value of a woman before marriage. It’s tied to sex). Men are sexual economists.
The second thing to note is that sex for men is very utilitarian and opportunistic. It is indeed opportunity seeking and therefore entrepreneurial. A male will thus go to great lengths, even lie to appropriate a sexual asset. Unfortunately, some forcibly create opportunities through predatory practices using threat and blackmail. It may be emotional blackmail, financial blackmail or positional blackmail. A woman’s sex is a biological asset. They demand sex in exchange for favour thus reinforcing the stereotypical man’s transactional attitude towards sex.
This transactional mindset is why men can pay for sex and patronise women of easy virtue. It’s why some threaten relationship termination if you’re unyielding; or ask you to prove your love with sex. Stock exchange!
From a man’s sexual perspective your sex organs are your most valuable economic assets. It’s why he boasts of “conquest”. His economic approach to sex is why your value depreciates once he sleeps with you. Men put a great value on what they desire but can’t easily appropriate. If he’s looking forward to it the value increases.
Moral: In your dressing, don’t lay it all out there, bare! Elegant hints increase your value better than over-supply! That “looking forward to it” can lead a man into marriage. Makes him anticipate sleeping with you after marriage. Makes him look forward to honeymoon. If you don’t understand this, you’ll turn the table on yourself with your own down payment.
You see, the Law of Demand and Supply differentiates between worth and value. Value is not the same as worth. Your worth may be high but you can be devalued. The more the supply, the less the value. Oversupply creates devaluation. What that means essentially is that the girl who sleeps with the entire football team suffers massive depreciation. Why? Too much supply! But the higher the demand and the lower the supply, the higher the value. Economics 101! It’s why your mum tells you to play hard to get. It’s just to increase your value, not to give the guy a miserable experience.
The challenge for you as a woman is how to align your worth with your value. You are worth an incredible lot. Genesis says you are a biological enabler of dreams, purposes, missions and visions. You’re an achievement catalyst.
Now I want you to know that a man can have sex without relationship or emotional attachment.
A woman can’t have sex without emotional attachment. If she does, it might be a sign of trouble, or even danger. Detachment suits men’s opportunistic, utilitarian transactional approach to sex. That opportunism invariably gets young men into trouble, sometimes BIG trouble that haunts them for life.
Sexual over-accessibility is sometimes the result of a desperate quest for love, acceptance and appreciation. Sometimes it’s an expression of pain and anger, a reaction to a bad experience – a “thinking like a man” mindset. It can be a mistaken expression of a desire to be needed and wanted.
Well, I’ve laid out the mechanics for you. And like I always say, what you do with knowledge is up to you. By the way, don’t believe the man who tells you the proof of love is sex. He just wants to have sex!
Your mentor, LA.
©Leke Alder 2013