Dear Jack, so you want to date a rich older woman? Well, it’s quite ambitious to be honest with you, considering you don’t have much! There’s also the socio-cultural challenge of your environment. It’s going to raise an eyebrow. Even in Europe and America, a substantial age difference will still elicit quiet questions and knowing looks.
You’ll need to clarify your motivation. I’m not imputing ulterior motive. I’m just saying sort out your motivation. The reverse holds true too: society will question the motivation of a very young woman who dates a much older rich man. That’s to be expected. Relationship motivations are not always pure. Whatever your motivation it’s important you’re honest with yourself. Do you really love this woman or you’re in love with her money? Do you really love her or you see a financier of your business ideas and ventures? Do you really love her or you view her as short cut through the womb of time into the future?
It’s fairly normal in young men to see relationship with an older rich woman as opportunity. It’s stuff of fantasy. Same fantasy they have about dating a beautiful teacher in secondary school. Boys know these things! There’s also the fantasy of a burdenless marriage. She’ll take care of the expensive items in a marriage. No car? She already has cars. House rent? She lives in a big house. Take care of her? She can take care of herself! And being broke will never be an issue. It’s a pastoral relationship, she being the minister of resources.
At 42 she’s definitely much older than you, and there’s also the question of your parents. Your mum will raise heckles. She’ll feel a peregrine falcon snatched her little chick with the talons of experience. Fathers are usually more circumspect in these circumstances, though some will refuse with taciturnity. I’m just letting you know it’s not going to be a walk in the park. Society has its unwritten protocols. One of those unwritten protocols is you date your age range and economic reach if you’re a man. If you’re going to go against societal expectations and protocols, you better have conviction.
To be fair, a rich older woman CAN see a poor young man as someone she can control and dominate. Or can see a poor young man as someone she can mold and groom into success; someone she can create opportunities for in life, be responsible for, and for some, take credit for. In other words, a rich older woman CAN see an impecunious young man as a venture project, or prey, or love, or more.
Be clear what you’re in love with: her or her money? And be clear about HER motivation too. Is it a desperate gambit, lust, venture project, adventure, self-affirmation, power, crisis, PR or real love? Though it’s going to be hard to separate the definition of such women from their material prosperity. Truth is, she will not be who she is without that money. It’s her definition. Which of course creates illogicalities since the woman most likely wants to be appreciated for herself. Same issue as per beautiful women. Can they be defined outside of that beauty? Should they complain about men’s lust?
Therefore the big question for you is, who is she without the money? You can’t dance round that money. If truth be told, it’s one of the factors of attraction. But then there are the internal dynamics in this kind of relationship. You’re going to have to deal with that money factor. Though not the way you envisaged. For one thing she’ll most likely buy all the things in the home. You can’t afford her comfort level. And you can’t ask her to abandon that comfort to co-habit with you at the level of your income. Makes no sense. You can’t ask her to leave the highbrow section of town to live with you in high-density locale to prove a point. Your income can hardly take care of you, not to talk of two people, not to talk of you and a rich woman. I’m just laying it straight.
A lot depends on your conception of yourself – how you see yourself. Do you see yourself as a man living at the expense of a woman? A man who lives off a rich woman? Your self-conception will determine whether you’ll resent this woman while living on her money. But I can assure you that if you want the respect of society, you’ll need to work hard. And you may never get that respect, unless you have monumental success. And even then you may not be able to shake off the idea you succeeded on the back of her capital and introductions. Even if not exactly true. I’m just saying if you have a chip on your shoulders it won’t work. And if you have no self-esteem or self-concept it won’t work either. The answer lies somewhere in between.
Men have ego. You’re no exception, even if it’s not apparent now. It’s because you’re disadvantaged. You’re young. You don’t know how you’ll react down the line. In a quarrel, you may resent your impotence against her money. And if she does look much older than you be ready to confront certain truisms about your relationship. If they call you her “boy” or “toy” or any other three-letter word… well, it comes with the territory.
There’s also the issue of sartorial cladding to social functions of her caliber. She may have to buy you clothes for some. Can your ego handle the feeling of insecurity that can accompany such a relationship? And she’s more experienced than you. She’s older than you. Your inexperience may make you more insecure. If after full consideration you’re convinced you should go into this relationship, go ahead. But if you feel you’re reaching beyond your pay grade and you’ll struggle to cope, you should reconsider. Sometimes people go for what is beyond them, or what they can’t afford. Some men go for what they can’t control, or what they can’t handle.
There are relationship qualifications. It may be money, power, intellect, spirituality, character, looks… whatever. The critical question is, do you have what it takes to date a rich older woman? If you’re unqualified it’s a matter of time before you’re called a disappointment in conversations behind your back.
© Leke Alder 2014|Â firstname.lastname@example.org