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Main Chick

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Dear Jil,

Come on! I’m sure you know better than this. Come on! This guy’s going to make you cry with his infidelity. He’s a serial womanizer with a transit harem disposition. A guy says to you, you’re my “main chick” and you’re still asking if you should stay or quit the relationship! If you’re the main chick, it means there are subsidiary chicks. Your boyfriend is a public liability company (PLC). He has many shareholders. Are you so desperate for a relationship you’ll allow a guy to appellate you with ignominiousness? Perhaps in a perverse sort of way being called a main chick makes you feel special. You’re the main the main! But that’s not the kind of special you want, not if you want a wholesome relationship. The guy is taking you for granted and you’re consoling yourself with nonsense. 

It’s some form of poor cousin of poor self-esteem overlaid with a patina of desperation. As it is, you don’t even know how many other paramours he has, how many side gigs he’s got going on. He feels he has license to pursue other chicks irrespective of your feelings, having thrown dog biscuit at you. Your dog biscuit is labeled “main chick”. But tell me, will he like it if he’s your “main guy”, and you have side guys? This relationship won’t satisfy you emotionally and I doubt if he’ll marry you, main chick or no main chick. If he ever does, assuming he has not impregnated some other girl, you’ll cry yourself sore in the marriage. You won’t have peace of mind. You won’t trust him every time he says he’s going out. At a party you’ll feel undercurrents but no tangibility of accusatory evidence. You may be the fool at the party. You’re the main chick remember. Your public liability company of a man is sorting out dividends for shareholders.

And how do you know he’s not told the other girls they’re also main chicks. None of you know each other! And so he goes to Girl A and says to her you’re my main chick. Like you, she gets that teeny-weeny satisfaction from the attention conferred by lying words. Then he goes to Girl B and says same thing, then Girl C. He stays on the message like a politician. For all you know there are five main chicks, and he’s playing all of you against each other. There are now so many main chicks in the equation the corrupt phrase has even lost meaning.

This guy strikes me as the type that will abscond if you get pregnant. He has no regard for you. Stop demeaning yourself with this kind of relationship. You don’t have him, just a title. God’s conception of womanhood is lofty. It’s something unique and wonderful. You shouldn’t be demanding affection. It should be freely and lovingly given by your boyfriend. By the time you’re begging for affection something is wrong in your relationship. And since this guy is franchising his love (more like semen) we really don’t know the size of your pie. And even after marriage he will still chase other girls. And so goes your mirage of locked down accomplishment. After marriage you of course won’t be the main chick again. That title will go to another. You’ll be main woman. Is this the kind of relationship you want? It’s a painful and pedestal demotion from God’s ideal. As long as you have no regard for yourself people won’t have regard for you. And how did you ever end up with a guy who calls you main chick in the first place!

Every relationship has a trajectory. Given a set of facts one can plot the future of any relationship. You can see from here to there. This relationship will not end well for you. The trajectory is a crash-landing full of bitterness. Stop putting yourself at the mercy of worthless guys. It has the horseshit smell of high order desperation. It’s a short interregnum between vacuous possession and depression. This guy has no emotional investment in the relationship – nothing ties him to you. He’s a butterfly fluttering from nectar to nectar, pollinating girls and women with semen and sorrow. And someday you’ll snap. Or may be not. That alternative is depression. You’re in an unhealthy relationship.

What do you want in a man? You ought to know. What type of relationship do you want? What’s your dream? This guy will tie you down. You’ll hope against baseless hope. You can’t handle him, or his infidelity. You can’t assess future happiness staying in this kind of relationship. You’re not a test crash dummy. There’s pain ahead. Girls are your boyfriend’s calling card, their conquest his pride and glory- his measure of guy-hood. Go for a guy who respects you. It’s important you’re respected as a woman. That’s God’s ideal for you. Go for a guy who’s going to be committed to you and the relationship. Go for a guy who’s interested in living responsibly, committed to the idea of starting a family. Don’t go for a guy who imagines himself a sampler of libidinous dishes… a sniffer of the heady wine servings of sexuality.

If he ever decides to settle down, all you main chicks will be shocked at the lily white young woman he’ll go for. And that’s when you’ll discover he’s been playing everyone, in his wisdom. And he’s going to be callous about the whole thing. He may not even tell you he’s getting married. And after marriage he’s still coming for you. You’ll still be main chick, nothing is changed except he has a ring on. That is the disposition of these kinds of guys. They leave pain and misery in their wake. Get out of relationship with a conscienceless guy before substantial damage is done to your heart. You don’t want to be someone’s main chick; you want to be the chick, nobody else. I’ve shown you the trajectory of pain you’re travelling on. I hope you won’t be like those who ignore warning and then write me thereafter wishing they’d listened to my words. This is just a main advice for a main chick.

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com

Tags : Relationships, Marriage, cheating
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