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PS – I Love You, But…

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Dear Jack,

You’ve got to learn to express your emotions. I know you love her. Nobody can doubt that. But you’ve got to tell her. She needs to hear you say it. A woman needs that expression of emotion; she needs your constant assurance. Don’t ask me why this is so, it’s just so! Some things are just so in life though we can go on an exegetical excursion. And yes, she knows you love her, but… she wants to be told.
Now I know that’s a bit uncomfortable for you given your nature, but just try. I know you don’t want all that yuppy yuppy, lurvy dovy stuff… it’s all too yummy… Eew! But love needs to be expressed. You express love to build faith. Faith comes by hearing what is told. There’s really nothing to it. I know in your head you daily thank God for the gift of her. Just tell her you thanked God for her this morning… that your heart is often filled with joy at the thought of her… For the fact that she gives you peace, for the fact that her love is undeniable, for the fact that her love is unquestionable, for the fact that her love is non-negotiable… For the fact that no matter what, you know she’s got your back. She’s so identified with you. For the fact of her kindness to you… the fact of her friendship… The fact of her care and worry over you… You know you’ve got yourself a woman! Just tell her how it feels! How many times have you considered yourself winner of a lottery ticket just because of her…

How many times have you told God, “I don’t know what I did right for you to have given me this woman” How many times have you felt assurance in your heart at the thought of going home to meet her, to be with her. She’s the one who gives you proprietary comfort. It’s peculiarly hers. It’s her intellectual property. She’s the substratum of your peace, the sense of wholeness you have. Because of her you can face those other challenges life throws at you. Her love is the pericardium of your heart. It’s its envelope and protective layer. And you know that there’s an element of luck in a good marriage. A good match can be incomprehensible. You know you’re not that brilliant at spotting talent. A good partner makes more sense in retrospect. He that finds a wife finds a good thing the good Lord says. In other words, when you have a wife you know! And nobody would have agreed to marry you when she did. You had nothing! She blindly saw into your future, believed in you, in ways even she can’t even understand. She just knew she wanted to be with you, that you were fated together. She can’t explain it.

The mystery of love is discombobulating. No one really understands it. It’s just what it is. She somehow knows how you feel, and feels what you feel. God has gifted her with your empathy. Even if she can’t understand all that stuff going on in your head or in your heart, she’s somehow with you. And you can’t even explain those things to her, you can’t express them. But she has faith in the integrity of your heart. Never take that for granted. There was a young man with Bell’s palsy- it’s facial paralysis. He never knew how much went into the making of a smile until this strange affliction. He had no idea how many muscles are involved in a smile. Or that one powerful nerve controls all that stuff. Sometimes we can’t appreciate something until we lose it. The young man didn’t appreciate a smile, until he lost the ability to smile. Relationships can be like that. Sometimes we don’t know the value of our partners until our happiness is threatened. Perhaps only divorcees can truly appreciate the desirability of a happy marriage.

A happily married person can hardly fathom the pain of an unhappy marriage. And that makes him truly less appreciative of his good fortune however he tries. It’s not intended. It’s just the way humans are. It’s why we’re so judgmental of the misfortune of others. I’m just saying to you, acknowledge every good thing in this woman. Tell her – let her know she’s truly and deeply appreciated. I don’t of course wish you evil, but what if she doesn’t come back home today? What if tragedy strikes? Won’t you regret never telling her how much you appreciate her, or how much you love her? It’s always good to express appreciation for the gift of a life,… It’s good to appreciate those selected by providence to co-shoulder the burden of our life. When she dresses, tell her she looks good. She needs that affirmation.

Remember, there are men praying for what you have, what you take for granted. Go out, buy her a card, send her flowers or candy. It’s not her birthday, but you can celebrate her any day. And it’s just nice to make people feel good about themselves. If you do this, she’s going to be so grateful to God she has you. Of course we KNOW who should be grateful don’t we? This is my ounce of advice. May it become a kilo in your heart.

Your mentor, LA.
© Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com

Tags : Emotion
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