My dear Jack, there are things women know about themselves we men know nothing about. Remember women have a higher intuitive capacity. With it they can discern things that are not so obvious. And women understand subterranean language among themselves. They have their own communication mode. If you doubt, take time to observe how women check each other out, say at a mall. There’s a language and a code involved. You can’t understand this language, or the motivation. It’s an amazing thing to observe… that three-second checking out. All the more surprising because the women don’t know each other and their paths may never cross again. Now, imagine if the women are constants in each other’s world, and their paths will always intersect. That can happen in a work place scenario, or a social setting scenario. Then territories are guarded efficiently through subtle but powerful means.
It’s never an accident when a woman holds on to the arms of her man in the presence of a suspected interloper. She’s sending out a message to the other side. That message is completely lost to men. The man reads the holding of arm as expression of affection but in actual fact it’s a defensive manoeuvre. “Don’t you even dare think about it,” is the message. “What is mine is mine.” Women know when their relationships are under threat. They can spot an interloper a mile off. Men are hardly aware of this stuff. We may be well-intentioned but a woman knows when the other party is not altruistic. With this background information you may begin to understand why your wife is complaining about this other woman. She knows something you know nothing about. She knows the power of a woman. She’s a woman. And she knows the reasoning and ways of a woman. She’s a woman.
Now, I know you’re trying to help this other lady, trying to help her get through difficult times. And that is all well and good. But a woman knows when another woman is crossing invisible boundaries. She’s warning you about what she “knows” and which she can’t express or explain in human language. Even if she lays it out for you, you can’t understand. The visible facts will not add up. It’s vibe language. Since it’s not as if the other woman is propositioning you, a man reasons there’s no danger. But a woman knows when another woman is making a play for her man. She knows how a woman can draw a man in without the man being aware. It’s how “accidents” happen. The accident of course started with devious intent. That is why it’s an “accident”.
Solomon says kindness makes a man attractive. This is a fact your wife understands too well. She knows what a woman is drawn to, she knows when a woman will make a play and she knows when the play will start. She knows the subtle hints of play, the gestural language of it – long before it becomes obvious to a man. And so I’ll advise you pay some concern to your wife’s concerns. She’s not making things up. She’ll even be more agitated by the fact that it’s a present continuous tense scenario.
A present continuous tense scenario is you being in continuous touch with the woman you’re trying to help. Such open-ended engagements without terminal date will agitate a wife. She knows the more communication you have with this woman the likelier you’ll be sucked into her bosom. She knows it may all start innocently, but guilt often proceeds from innocence. And the other woman knows too. Indeed if the table were reversed she will not allow the same scenario. But she’s enjoying your attention at the expense of your wife.
And you know as men, we always think we’re in control, even when it’s obvious to us we’re ceding control. Your wife has chosen to err on the side of caution because she knows the stakes are high. And the stakes are high for her! She may be husbandless and lose her home and family. There are stories of women who connected their friends to their husband for help and lost their husband. And a predatory woman’s moral logic in these circumstances you can’t understand. The predatory woman may surprisingly feel morally right snatching her friend’s husband! Why didn’t she take good care of her husband, is not an uncommon poser and justification. Strange things happen. Remember the period movie, The Duchess starring Ralph Fiennes and Keira Knightley?
Beyond all these however, it is important your wife has a sense of security in your marriage. It’s why you need to keep affirming her, assuring her of your love. She must feel safe and secure. Insecurity creates a crack in a marriage, the consequences of which may be dire. You’re making the classical mistake of a young husband who has no understanding of women or marriage. If you won’t modulate your relationship with this other woman, you may have trouble in your marriage.
And there are things we do for the preservation of a marriage. This other woman is not worth losing your marriage, however well-intentioned you may be. The price you’ll pay for the insecurity your wife feels is too high for you. And if the other woman has a history of snatching other people’s husbands, don’t be surprised at aggressive manoeuvre by your wife. Even the Roman army will be proud! Do all you can not to lose your marriage. Quickly cement the cracks. They must not widen. If you listen to my little advice, good for you. If you don’t, I’ll hate to say I warned you.
Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder | email@example.com