On Another Note
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My dear Jil, I’d like to bring to your remembrance 60 lessons I have shared in my letters to you this year. I hope these precepts resonate again and you keep them in mind as you approach the new year.
- We must learn patience in life. Haste is not the same as progress.
- Don’t buy into the philosophy of marriage as pain. It’s why love must be present in a marriage.
- Marriage is not meant to be difficult. If it is, it loses meaning. It’s meant to be full of joy, love, peace and happiness.
- The reason we need romance in a relationship is to escape the rather ugly realities of life.
- Being single and lonely is a better fare than being trapped and depressed in a loveless marriage.
- No wise person marries a dream or a wish. You marry the reality in front of you.
- You have to marry on the assumption your partner may not change.
- Manage your expectations in marriage. Be it fashion inclination, socials, sexual congress, spirituality or the like.
- Like I always say to you, deal with the facts.
- The beginning of a bad marriage is a bad choice of partner.
- Marriage is a knowledge enterprise. The more you know, the more you hedge against the risk of failure.
- If you love someone you can’t abuse them physically or emotionally. Or we’ll need to redefine love.
- We get so lost in the dutifulness of marriage we lose sight of the friendship with our spouse.
- Your husband wants to be the primary thing in your life. He is your primary relationship.
- For your husband, your willingness and eagerness to go out with him, or to have sex with him matters.
- Your success must be your spouse’s success and vice versa; or there’ll be envy.
- There are good dads but poor husbands, as there are good mums but poor wives. The corollaries also hold.
- When there’s an impasse in a marriage someone has to swallow his or her pride. Love does not insist on having its own way. Love is humble.
- Nagging is a grave irritability to men. It’s like the constant dripping of water from the faucet on a tin roof.
- Being testy and temperamental will only put off your husband.
- Marriage shouldn’t be class warfare. It’s not men versus women. It’s a man and a woman.
- It’s wise to marry someone you share values with. A clash of values will rupture a marriage.
- If you want a happy marriage, spiritual, social and economic parameters are mandatory.
- Marriage is a total package. When you marry a man you marry his history, flaws, character, disposition, capacities and capabilities.
- In a marriage, money, sex and peace are three critical pressure points for men.
- Go for a guy who respects you. It’s important you’re respected as a woman. That’s God’s ideal for you.
- You must be tolerant of each other and you must have absorbent capacity if you want a good relationship.
- Your worth as a wife ought not to be dependent on your procreative capacity; it has nothing to do with bearing children.
- When things are beyond us in life, there’s only one person who can deliver us – GOD!
- Emotional pain has a course. Let it bleed out. Cry. Don’t try and prove it doesn’t hurt. You’ll anguish yourself.
- A relationship conceptually breaks down when one side expects but has no sense of obligation to the other party.
- Men don’t want to be locked down in marriage with a self-centred and emotionally stingy person.
- You can’t want commitment without being willing to give commitment. It’s a contradiction in terms.
- “Would you like to be married to you” is a valid question we must all begin to ask ourselves. How loving are you?
- Pride destroys more marriages than any other factor. Humility is essential in marriage.
- A man is particularly hurt when he knows you’ve been discussing him with your friends.
- To succeed in your relationship you must put in effort. A successful relationship requires the taking of initiative.
- You deserve a beautiful life, made of beautiful dreams. You deserve joy, love and peace.
- Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other party. It’s all about you.
- If you don’t forgive, hatred and anger will colour the rest of your life.
- If you ask God for forgiveness, believe he forgives, irrespective of feelings. God has integrity. He said he’ll forgive.
- Trials bring us out of us – the real us, the courageous us, the determined us, the strong us, the hidden us.
- Your faith provides you moral compass. We all need moral compass in life.
- The problem sometimes is that we’re so focused on our wedding objective we lose sight of the marriage.
- There are times we force discussions in a relationship. It allows us to locate ourselves in a scheme, know our prospects.
- Marriage has to be all chips in. Once you make room for failure life exploits the gap of hesitation.
- When a relationship is right you just know. Things just fit, without duplicitous exertion and cunning artfulness.
- When we refuse tuition we learn from experience.
- If a relationship is not going to work don’t advance it down the altar.
- A relationship is not a debating contest. It’s not about who wins. It’s about what’s wise and what’s right.
- You don’t marry a guy because you got pregnant for him, you marry him because he’ll make a good husband.
- A marriage can endure for years without the nutritional value of joy. In which case it is longsuffering.
- Withholding of affection is one of the leading causes of divorce.
- Those who withhold affection are often reacting to somebody or something in their past. It’s an ideological stand.
- A man should not be ambivalent about marrying you. He ought to be sure.
- The idea that a woman deserves to be raped because of what she’s wearing ought to trouble sane people.
- An abusive marriage is many times a simple progression of an abusive courtship.
- Judging the past is an exercise in futility. It’s a chronicle you can’t edit.
- Never compare your life with others. Everyone has his or her own programme.
- Hope for the best. God specialises in impossible cases.
Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder | email@example.com
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