My dear Jil, there are relationships that can’t be however you try. Everything will seem so perfect, seem so right and yet for some reason the relationship just can’t be. It’s something like the way magnets repel each other. You push and push but they surreally just can’t come together. In the same manner, you can want a relationship to happen, for it to work you try hard, pull hard, push hard. But something inside of you just can’t click with something inside of him. And it’s so surrealistic. You can’t lay your hand on why. There are some rational explanations but you know they don’t explain it all. He’s the kind of person you’ll like to date. He’s everything you’ve always wanted, but “something” just won’t allow. You try hard but there’s like a buffer zone between both of you, some invisible buffer pushing away gently. You try to push against that buffer but it’s like something keeps preventing a certain type of closeness. Oh, you can go through the mechanics, but there’s just an element of distrust that is not substantiated. You want the person but you just can’t trust the person. One incident just seems to have truncated the relationship. Somehow your values can’t “gel” and won’t gel, though ordinarily they should be similar. Your cultural exposure just won’t sync perfectly, though like in this case you both have middle class upbringing. To all intents and purposes he’ll make a great boyfriend, someone you can be proud of. Except for that “thing”. Something about him is disturbing, though on the surface there’s nothing.
You know he wants you, but you just can’t relate to him. Something is off. There are things you can’t change about him – “something” you know is wrong but don’t have “energy” to seek to correct. He’s waiting for your text, and you want to be available but you can’t. Something inside you tells you to keep away from him, but you can’t see what, though you somehow see some things. And it seems both of you have a contest of wills. You also realize he’s just going along just to get you. You know that somehow if he does marry you he’ll exercise inordinate control. Part of the problem is that he’s not emotionally giving. He’s deliberately withholding. Something is manipulative about him. His desires are needs-driven, and that’s the conflict. Of course you can’t prove these things. And you can only validate them through personal experience. But then you can’t validate because something just can’t click, won’t click. It’s almost like there’s something deceptive about him but on the surface there’s no proof. Your heart somehow has this intelligence, just as it knows things you can’t possibly know. You “know” inside you, you’ll be forcing yourself to go into the relationship, and that the relationship will be a chore.
You’re kind of aloof and careful. You push away virtually, so you don’t involve “you” so you don’t get hurt. Of course you want him to take you out, but trying to get into relationship with him somehow seems like work. It’s like you missed all the clues when you first met him. But that’s because you want a relationship badly. The desire for relationship somehow overwhelmed all the vibes coming from him. Then there’s the joy of dating someone, being on a date. You wanted that. But it’s all so close yet so far. Both of you desperately want it to be, desperately want to get along, so you got along, initially. He dresses the way you like, is well travelled, but you sense a control thing. Well, that thing you “sense”, and all that information you can’t rationalize – That’s the intelligence of the heart.
If a relationship is not going to work you somehow “know.” Now, you may overwrite what you “know,” bullying it into submission, but that takes a lot of energy. That “resistance” to the relationship inside you is God trying to prevent you from making a horrendous mistake with your life. Your heart is more intelligent than your head. Listen to your heart. The heart “knows” things it can’t explain. The heart has access to information we can’t ordinarily get. The problem is, we ignore the heart, place our faith in what we see. But there’s an underlying reality we’re ignoring. And that underlying reality we ignore is the real person we’re dealing with. It’s the sum total of history and being. As a woman your heart is very sensitive. You’re very much in touch with your emotional self. Women get these warnings easier than men because men’s rationalism overwhelms their emotional intelligence. Rationalism is rather crude. It’s like a concrete mix. It’s set in its way. It crudely forces facts into a mold. When you as a woman get all this warning in your heart and you still insist you’ve switched to rationalism. And rationalism is many times rationalization of a given set of facts. I don’t know about this gentleman, but if something is “off” I think you should reconsider.
The thing about heart intelligence is that it has access to the future, knows what’s going to happen. Rationalism on the other hand is limited to the facts of today, and the past. It’s a fake prophet. Calls projection prophecy. Not so your heart. It’s rather intelligent and unlimited by time or space dimensions. Your heart can “see” the future. Think of the way dogs can sense what we can’t sense, hear what we can’t hear. The dog senses things we can’t sense because it can hear decibels above our range. In the same vein, your heart has a higher sensory capacity that is unlimited to space and time. Every divorcee seems to have this one testimony: there was a warning before the marriage. But it was overwritten. Sometimes what we want is not good for us. And sometimes we know but still push ahead at great cost of energy. And sometimes what is not good for us is not so apparent. It’s why we need the intelligence of our heart.
Don’t force this relationship. I believe God is warning you. It’s why things just can’t click. That’s God’s mercy working hard. When the right man comes everything will just click. You won’t need to seek to make it click. That’s all I have to say.
Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder | firstname.lastname@example.org