My dear Jil, couples owe themselves a duty of care. A relationship is customized and privatized affection. By care, I mean the actual caring for one another. But it’s not limited to that. It also involves the notion of caring and WANTING to care. The wanting to care is what we call affection. Yes, we take those oaths during wedding ceremonies – For better for worse, in sickness and in health… So there’s a context of care when your partner falls ill, or when things take a wrong turn. But care is beyond illnesses. If we limit it to just illness it means the man who never falls ill will never receive care.There’s just something about being lovingly concerned about your spouse in marriage. It’s being lovingly concerned that makes you check up on him, not out of suspicion but from care. The motivation for duty of care therefore matters. Once you pollute the motivation, care ceases to be care. And so if he’s out later than he usually should be, care dictates you call to find out if everything is okay. Ditto for the man. He owes you a duty of care too. And he ought to be worried if you’re not back home when you should. Same thing when you travel. Anything beyond expected time of arrival should evoke a concern.
Of course you can’t claim to care for someone if he’s sick and you hardly visit him in hospital. Or if he’s ill and there’s an attitude of nonchalance, or unconcern. That doesn’t show care. Rather, such attitude is treading the border of hatred. And it’s amazing how a spouse can hate the other half but it happens. That hatred will dictate all the matrimonial policies. The man or woman will barely tolerate the other half. He or she will treat the partner with disdain, and every progress he or she makes will be raw material for further hatred. When couples lovingly care for one another it’s a joy to behold. Especially if the care is borne out of deep love and affection. A home full of loving care is always soft and welcoming. You should aim to fill your home with love. When there’s climate change in a home, even outsiders can feel it. The more you appreciate your spouse the more loving and caring you become. And you do want your spouse to thank God for you everyday of his life. To be glad he married you. You want a man who’ll marry you ten thousand times over, and again and again.
These are ideals to aim for in marriage. That others experience the opposite doesn’t mean these things don’t exist. How was your day should not be perfunctory in a marriage. It should be laced with love and affection. It’s a time to pour it all out, to let it out, let it go. How was your day is a loving cue. How was your day demands reciprocity of query. And how was YOUR day ought to follow. So, duty of care enables couples to share – stories, burdens, jokes. Just like a parent who discovers bruises when she’s bathing her child, so how was your day helps to locate emotional wounds from the outside world. A sensitive partner will know when something is wrong and when something is off. How was your day is an opportunity for ministration of healing. How was your day is an opportunity for affirmation of hope, the impartation of faith. How was your day is the discovery of prayer points, things to ponder, things to act on, on the knees.
Duty of care notices poor appetite. It knows the onset of worry, the state of a heavy heart. How was YOUR day is an opportunity to cuddle and to share, to nestle in the cranny of the elbow. How was your day is a loving picture of a couple on a couch, talking to each other, lost in each other’s love. How was your day is an opportunity to share victories. Days are sometimes battles.
How was your day is that opportunity for affirmation of love, for that sincere honest expression of affection. How was your day is that opportunity for that smile that says so much. It’s the rhythm of the heart. How was your day is that opportunity for exaggerated complaint about that minor pain in the leg in need of affectionate rub. How was your day is that opportunity to express the noticing of the change in hairstyle, or the change of lipstick. How was your day is a creative opportunity for the bonding of hearts, the meshing of hearts. How was your day is that dream we all dream of, of coming home to the loving embrace of a good heart. But when how was your day is met with a grunt, or even lack of acknowledgment it can signify trouble in a marriage.
The atmosphere in a home should not be cold at the close of work. A cold home means no respite from the harshness of the day. How was your day is that time of great appreciation, of the promise of tomorrow. Without a good line of communication at home how was your day will be said with trepidation and uncertainty. Life is full of toil and trouble. How was your day is a balm of the soul. You should have a culture of how was your day in your marriage. It’s a time to share and to lessen burdens. The chances that care has died in a home without how was your day is high. How was your day can and should mean I’ve missed you all day, glad you’re back home. In many ways we all dream of someone we can ask how was your day. And someone who’ll ask us same in return. Ask him how was your day with a smile. It’s a secret oil of comfort. How was your day? What a lovely thought! And what thoughtfulness! How was YOUR day?
Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder | talk2lekealder.com