My dear Jil, if a man won’t respect you, what are you doing in the relationship? This guy has no respect for you. He’s treating you like dirt, like he’s doing you a favour. You have a “take it or leave it” relationship, like he’s got so many options lined up and you’re just lucky to have him. How can someone you claim is your boyfriend treat you like a disposable? What kind of relationship is that? And you’re only confirming his opinion of you with your attitude to the relationship. You seem resigned. You’ve put yourself in a blackmail position. It’s why this guy has no sensitivity for your feelings. He sleeps with you, treats you like trash, talks anyhow to you, is insolent, crude, and you think you have a relationship. This guy has no regard for you.Let me give you the sad news in advance: he’s not going to marry you! Guys don’t treat women they love and want anyhow, only those they have little or no regard for. If he truly considers you future wife, he won’t treat you like junk. He won’t see you like some item in a computer waste bin. Why don’t you at least try and recover some of your dignity? Or what exactly are you gaining from this relationship? You self-esteem is at an all time low. You’ve lost your confidence. All because you’re afraid of losing the relationship. How can you be afraid of losing a relationship you’ve already lost? There IS no relationship, just sex! And that’s part of the problem. He just sees you as “free sex.” And that’s how he treats you. Now, I understand how you feel having gone that carnally far with him. But you’re hoping against hope he’ll marry you. Guys like this determine well in advance they won’t marry the person they’re sleeping with. As it is, it’s like you’re begging him with sex to marry you. That’s not the case, but that’s how he sees it. It’s why he’s behaving like he’s doing you a favour, why he talks to you anyhow and why he ignores your texts. You’ve given this guy so much power over you, too much power. This relationship is unhealthy.
If you want your self-respect, go back to the classical template of the dynamics of a boy wooing a girl. If he won’t respect you during courtship, how do you think he’ll treat you in marriage? Courtship is when you have the most advantage and yet he treats you shabbily. How do you imagine marriage will be? Even if you do get pregnant he won’t marry you. He’s going to insist on abortion. He’ll tell you it’s either that or the relationship is off. You have to understand the psyche of this type of person. Oh, he’ll toss some money at you for the abortion, but truth is, for this kind of guy, your value just plummeted.
The reality is that he actually needs you more than you need him. Only you can tolerate him! No guy who respects his woman discusses the intimate details of their liaison with his friends. If he’s discussing prurient details of your sexual congresses with his friends, you can be sure he thinks little of you. But you’re worth more than this. You’re worth more than this guy. Get some clear thinking. You’re a beautiful, well-educated young lady. You’ve got great prospects, a great future. Why would you sell yourself short? And you’re young. What’s the hurry? What’s the desperation? You’ve put yourself under time pressure. Because you gave your virginity to this guy, you reckon he has to be the one, has to be the only one. But that’s like compounding a mistake. You’ve already made one mistake, why double down on it.
So he’s popular, but his popularity means no jack if he won’t treat you right. Na popularity you go chop? You want a man who lovingly introduces you to his friends, sets boundaries for them by his disposition towards you. If a man doesn’t set boundaries for his friends through his disposition, they’ll talk anyhow about his woman. If his friends don’t respect you, you can be sure in these circumstances he’s not guiltless. By now they’re laughing at the fact you actually imagine you’ll marry him. There’s a guy code. They know he won’t. It’s why they look at you that way. You’re the fodder of “locker room” gist. You see, when it comes to relationship, the old way is still better. Don’t cheapen yourself. Let the man treat you with respect. And you’ll know if he’s proud to date you. For one, he won’t be ashamed of you in public. If he’s proud to have you, the pride will show. He’ll want people to know he came with you to the cinema for instance, which means he considers you pretty or classy, that you add something to him. If he respects you and considers you respectable, he’ll want people to know he chaperoned you to that cinema. There’s a way he’ll approach even the concessionary stand for popcorn; his diction might change with confidence…and he’ll be tentative around you. He won’t be brash, or talk anyhow to you in public if he respects you. Men are so easy to read. But some women would rather close the book and carry it like a purse.
Get out of this relationship before you do permanent damage to your self-esteem. This guy isn’t worth it. When the man of worth comes, he’ll treat you like worth. The guy who respects you won’t blackmail you for sex. He won’t turn the relationship into an either/or scenario. If like he said other girls are begging him, maybe he deserves those girls. Let him be. The irony of these things is that usually the right guy is just waiting, hoping around the corner. Whatever happened to that guy who wanted to take you to dinner? He seems a gentleman. This your so-called boyfriend who never introduces you as girlfriend, when last did he invite you out? His Facebook status doesn’t even reflect you exist. And those texts you saw on his phone, you think it’s a drama sketch? You shouldn’t be in a self-esteem abusing relationship. The price is too high. There are many wonderful gentlemen out there looking to date a young pretty medical doctor. Open your eyes. Ask yourself a question: Is this guy thinking of taking you home to meet mama? Does he want to introduce you to his family? A good man will treat you the exact opposite of how this man is treating you. Get out of the relationship. If you do you’ll have clawed back a modicum of your self-esteem. You’ll be empowered about your life.
Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder | firstname.lastname@example.org
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