My dear Jil, you’ve got to break this chain of she said, she said, she said. It’s all gossip. Gossip is why there’s present continuous fight among you and your friends. Hardly is one she said settled when another she said resurfaces. Sometimes she said within she said. And so your relationship with your girlfriends is in a constant state of she said she said she said. And you’re so few. There’s a fluid alliance generated by all this gossip. Your friend today may say something behind your back tomorrow. Then to defend yourself you have an ally with someone who said last week, only you fought before the new she said. It’s like someone is playing you guys like marionettes, like someone stirring up strife among you. With all this gossip you and your friends are more or less a “Real Wives” TV series now. All we need is cameras.
Gossip is a terrible thing. It’s essentially saying nasty things about people behind their back. These are well-aimed arrows designed to tarnish people. They’re not the actions of a friend. Planting a nasty thought about someone in somebody’s head is an enemy act, it’s not the act of a friend. Your group of friends trade tidbits of gossip about each other. You guys don’t say nice things about each other. That’s a toxic relationship if ever there was one. You shouldn’t be participating in these sessions. And it never ends. There’s always something to say about someone. There’s always imputation of motive. There’s a lot of envy in these gossips. You check each other out, calculate the cost of fashion pieces… Then you begin to surmise who could have given your friend the expensive new bag… Hint at infidelity… Or is the bag fake? How else could she have afforded it? Where’s she getting money from? Terrible thoughts!
You put yourselves under pressure trying to out-dress each other. You set up yourselves and your husbands. And you guys nitpick each other’s lives, trying to ferret out information from the cracks of your lives, your pains. Once you find something, you take it to the member of the group who likes the person the least. What are you guys doing?! Where is character in all this? Where’s loyalty? Where’s honour? Gossip is the most disloyal thing you can imagine. You’ve got to break the cycle. I know the need to socialize but you’ve got to break the chain of gossip. You shouldn’t lend your ear to gossip.
Now, you guys have extended it to your marriages and children? Nothing is sacrosanct? You’re dragging your husband into all these gossipy things? Shouldn’t you protect your marriage? When nasty things are said about your spouse you’ll feel wounded and offended. But you created room for it. Since you joined the conversation on other people’s husband, your husband is fair play.
A gossip starts by saying, “You didn’t hear this from me.” So from whom? Everybody in your circle knows each person’s capacities. There’s no trust. The bond of this friendship is gossip. Your friendship is a continual round of disloyalty and backstabbing with stiletto heels. You’re bloodying each other’s psyches, doing damage to each other’s credibility. You’re feasting on each other, voyeuring on inventiveness, creative and stylish destruction. Haven’t you heard about Solomon’s list of ungodly stuff? They’re seven items: lying tongue, prideful insulting attitude, murderous hands, wicked plans, bearing of false witness, hastiness to do evil, spreading of rumours. Solomon defines a false witness as someone who breathes out lies, even half-truths. Here are more Solomonics for you to consider. They’re all about gossip: “Gossips can’t keep secrets, so never confide in blabbermouths.” “Listening to a gossip is like eating cheap candy; do you want junk like that in your belly?” “Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.” “A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.” “Mockers (gossips) get a whole town agitated. The wise turn away wrath.” “Throw out the mocker (gossip), and fighting goes, too. Quarrels and insults will disappear.” “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit – you choose.” “A leech has twin daughters named “Gimme” and “Gimme more.”
If you recuse yourself from these discussions the quarrels will go down in your group. You can’t claim to love someone and go about saying nasty things about her, especially behind her back. If you have an issue with someone approach the person directly and privately. Sort out the issue. You can’t be a gossip and have good motivation. It’s snide wickedness. And even if those things are true, aren’t you supposed to protect the confidences of your friends? Remember you have your own issues too. Everyone has issues, things we’d rather not see broadcast. Gossip is maligning and wickedness that’s covered with an incredulous patina of innocence. You shouldn’t keep company with gossips. After you leave they descend on your life like vultures.
A gossip drops a seeming innocent remark to provoke dismemberment of the guts of someone’s life. There’s always one rumour or the other in that group – a review of the dating register, who’s dating whom. Truth is, you and your friends don’t like each other. If you do, you won’t be saying nasty things about each other. Don’t drag your husband through this nonsense. They’ll disrespect your husband and disrespect your marriage. There’ll be that seething anger, the trying to settle score. That’s how you end up with altered personality. Don’t trade your marriage at the Gossip Exchange. You can’t afford it!
Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder | email@example.com
For related letter, search for Morsels Of Gossip at http://jacknjillive.com
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