My dear Jack, let me explain to you how the world works so you won’t be discouraged, perplexed or bitter. That will affect your marriage. You may inexplicably take it out on your wife in frustration. Like you said, you’ve not got any response to all those mails you sent out asking for help. That’s because the world doesn’t operate that way. You no doubt have a genuine and passionate desire to succeed, which is why you wrote all those people in the first place. All you’re asking from them is for connection, and you’re wondering why they won’t grant you even the courtesy of response. It would seem these men and women are wicked, don’t want to help a youth. All you’re asking for is a chance.
You have to understand the fundamental “structure” of society – then you’ll see why these people are not responding. What you’re essentially doing is “cold-calling.” It’s a term for unsolicited marketing, the throwing of a net out there hoping against hope. You need to reconcile your philosophy of life with existent realities. Your philosophy assumes people should help an aspiring young man. But that’s a false philosophy that is unaligned with centuries of data or even extant realities. And you have to be careful lest you become bitter, because when you attain, that bitterness will destroy the amelioration factors of your elevation. Again, I say this for the sake of your marriage. It’s been under strain because you don’t seem to be making the progress you want.
The first thing you need to note is that nobody owes you anything in life. Even if they do approach the world like nobody does. You see, that changes the narrative and your mental attitude. You shift from being a beggarly element to an investible quantity. That means you’re not asking for favours, you want to earn your way. And so when you approach people it’s not about what can they do for you, but what you can do for them though you don’t exhibit that attitude. When you ask them for investment in your business, for example, it means you’re giving them an economic proposition. “What is in it for me?” is a legitimate question any investor will ask and ought to ask, after all why should he dash you money? An investor also wants to know about YOUR commitment to the project, how much you have in. If you have no money invested you can’t be greedy wanting to allocate all the shares to yourself. All you have is sweat equity. You’re at a disadvantage therefore. And potential investors will want to see your track record or experience. If you have neither, you need to demonstrate intelligence, character, passion and a sense of responsibility. Which is why your business plan must make sense and must be conservative in outlook. Can’t be rosy rosy. That’s unreal.
The reason investors want to see your personal commitment is because it’s easy to waste other people’s money. It’s not yours. But whether they believe in you or not, don’t give up on your dreams. That’s giving up on your future. To cope with rejection, you need to switch to another philosophical mantra – That’s life! What it actually means is, accept that disappointment with equanimity and manliness. Don’t be bitter. Accept disappointment as something expected in the normal course of life. Shrug it off you, look ahead. Move on! Focus. What should be your next move to realise that dream? That should be the logical question. Stop wasting your emotions on bitterness. Don’t turn people into enemies because you’re turned down. The man who turns you down today may be your investor tomorrow. Remember, everyone is watching out for themselves. That’s the way life is, that’s the way it’s always been. The world is a quid pro quo reality. Essentially, it means nothing goes for nothing. You have to give something to get something. The world runs a credit system. And so when you ask someone to link you to someone, you’re asking him to incur debt on your behalf. That person from whom favour is asked is coming back to ask for favour in return. That’s the way the world works. Which is why some people are reluctant to look for employment for others. Why should they incur that debt they reason.
That’s not saying the successful shouldn’t help the young and struggling. But it’s easier when you understand the reality they deal with. There’s no free lunch in life. Only Jesus provides free lunch. That’s understandable, he’s the Saviour. Do your homework before you approach someone for a favour. Think through before you present a request or proposition. Do your maths. Don’t ask a successful person to do your thinking for you if you want a favour from him or her. Do your thinking. Present viable approach. Be specific about what you want when you approach the successful. Don’t make requests that have no definition or make you seem unserious. When you send a mail to executives, go straight to the point. They don’t have time to read long stories and winding preambles. Don’t misuse access to a successful person. Don’t use the opportunity you have to ask for thoughtless stuff or inanities. If you want to ask for a favour from someone you hardly know respect the person. Don’t send a mail assuming familiarity. Can you reduce that mail to a third of a page or half? You’re assuming that successful person has time to read long stories. Be truthful when you ask for help from a successful person. If you’re found untrue in a particular material, it’s read as insulting intelligence. You make your way in this world. You make your way prosperous. Benevolence is exceptional. It’s not the general order.
When you demonstrate you’re a serious young man or woman, people are wont to want to take a gamble on you. You must be courteous in life. You must respect everyone, especially the elderly. You’ll need their advice about life. You will learn very quickly that it’s a very small world. The world is not as large as it seems. Respect secretaries and personal assistants. Show them courtesy. They’re often the gateway to the person you need to see. Respect attainment. As you’re already learning it’s not that easy. It takes more than a dream. Don’t share your dream with those who hate you or those who despise you. They’ll discourage you matter-of-factly. In chess as in life, one can be so focused on the offensive one leaves defensive flanks open embarrassingly. If you want to attain at a cheaper cost make sure you have peace at home. You have to accept envy as a natural concomitant of aspiration. That’s life! Your most successful moves will not always be strategic. There’s still a “luck” factor no matter what. You have to keep on striving for excellence. Mediocrity is unhealthy for the soul. It reduces quality of life. Seek the support of your wife in all your endeavour. Seek her advice. Women have an incredible perceptive ability that can’t be rationalised. I wish you success in every sphere of your life.
Your mentor, LADon’t ask a successful person to do your thinking for you if you want a favour from him or her. Click To Tweet