Dear Mr. Alder,
I’m writing this mail to seek your honest advice concerning a very delicate issue bothering me. I am the son of a Pastor and work in a bank. I will be 32 years old this year.
I recently met a lady that I have developed so much affection for. When we met, she made it very clear that there could not be any relationship between us as she has a relationship that has been going on for 4 years. Her family and his family already know each other. Upon getting to know her better, I discovered that the relationship has gone stale and they were together merely because they have been together for so long. We eventually entered into a relationship that has blossomed into a loving and great one.
The main issue for me now is basically her mum and her seeming state of confusion. While I have considerable pressure from my side to at least bring someone home to be introduced to my folks, it isn’t very overbearing and pretty normal. I do not have any other relationship apart from her. But the problem is her mum is basically forcing her into marrying this other guy. I am very confident that there is little or no love between them now. Her mum is forcing her to pick a wedding date or she will pick it for her. Basically her mum is marrying her off and does not want to entertain thoughts of her developing cold feet.
I do not put the blame entirely on her mum and I believe she can do more to take more responsibility for her life. But there is an extent that I can push her to. I believe it is important that she doesn’t rush into this marriage to save her from a future heartbreak and pain. While I am a bit selfish in wanting her to myself, I also feel it is important to not get married just for the sake of it.
Kindly advise me on what to do as I feel a bit lost.
Dear Jack,Â thereâ€™s not much you can do. Sheâ€™s the critical factor and for reasons best known to her sheâ€™s going ahead.
Iâ€™ll advise you respect that decision for your sake. Not sure you should seek to rescue her. Thatâ€™s always a mistake. And even if she marries you, you still have that mum as mother-in-law!