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From Jack

She’s Being Married off by her Mum!

Dear Mr. Alder,

I’m writing this mail to seek your honest advice concerning a very delicate issue bothering me. I am the son of a Pastor and work in a bank. I will be 32 years old this year.

I recently met a lady that I have developed so much affection for. When we met, she made it very clear that there could not be any relationship between us as she has a relationship that has been going on for 4 years. Her family and his family already know each other. Upon getting to know her better, I discovered that the relationship has gone stale and they were together merely because they have been together for so long. We eventually entered into a relationship that has blossomed into a loving and great one.

The main issue for me now is basically her mum and her seeming state of confusion. While I have considerable pressure from my side to at least bring someone home to be introduced to my folks, it isn’t very overbearing and pretty normal. I do not have any other relationship apart from her. But the problem is her mum is basically forcing her into marrying this other guy. I am very confident that there is little or no love between them now. Her mum is forcing her to pick a wedding date or she will pick it for her. Basically her mum is marrying her off and does not want to entertain thoughts of her developing cold feet.

I do not put the blame entirely on her mum and I believe she can do more to take more responsibility for her life. But there is an extent that I can push her to. I believe it is important that she doesn’t rush into this marriage to save her from a future heartbreak and pain. While I am a bit selfish in wanting her to myself, I also feel it is important to not get married just for the sake of it.

Kindly advise me on what to do as I feel a bit lost.

Thank you.



From LA

Dear Jack, there’s not much you can do. She’s the critical factor and for reasons best known to her she’s going ahead.

I’ll advise you respect that decision for your sake. Not sure you should seek to rescue her. That’s always a mistake. And even if she marries you, you still have that mum as mother-in-law!

Move on!

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