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Conflicts

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My dear Jack, in homicide, detectives are always looking for motive from three factors: money, sex and revenge. I was thinking about that and it occurred to me that these are the very same factors that destroy marriages. You of course know the role of money in a marriage. We’ve discussed this before. A marriage comes under intense strain when there’s no money. Continue reading

Dear Jack, well, I don’t know about your girlfriend hanging out with her ex. Just seems weird. She’s in constant communication with this ex, he asks her out when he’s in town… And she expects you to understand! Seems she enjoys his company. They’re still friends she says, nothing will happen… Continue reading

I think the issue is the inability to take things seriously…things like vows. That’s actually serious stuff. It’s not that he doesn’t love you, and he wouldn’t contemplate leaving you. It’s just that he’s not reached that point in life in which he realizes some things are more serious than they appear to be. He will get there. Continue reading

My dear Jack, take a piece of paper and draw a straight horizontal line. Mark the two ends, and make a halfway mark as well. On the extreme right, write “Pleasure.” On the left write “Pain.” In the middle write, “Hmn!” You’re looking at a map of the possibilities in a marriage. The signposts are pleasure, pain and hmn! You don’t want your marriage or relationship in the pain corner. You don’t want your marriage smack in the middle either. Continue reading

Dear Jack, this may be politically incorrect, but you better run from that marriage if your wife is dabbling in black magic. Your wife dabbling in black magic can’t bode well. You think those spiritual consultants are advising her on fashion? You’d long suspected. What with all the strange substances are turning up in your home. But now you have proof. Continue reading

My dear Jil, if you lose your life to this marriage you will have yourself to blame. Truth is not always politically correct. Neither is wisdom. If I were you I’ll repudiate the advice of those religious folk who insist you should stay in this violent marriage and pray. These people are legalists who do not believe in divorce under any circumstance. Until THEIR child is in danger. Continue reading

Dear Jack, I do hope you don’t mind the truth, ‘cause I’m going to say some very hard truth in this letter. Think of a fluffy whiff of cloud hanging between heaven and earth. That’s how your life is right now. You’re just hung there, not moving forward or backward – Just an eccentric piece of the mechanical vagaries nature. There’s a form to your marriage, just like the cloud. Yet the marriage has no form. Continue reading

My dear Jil, I feel I need to write you once more about that “f” word – forgiveness. Forgiveness is a hard thing no doubt, and yet it’s the easiest of things. Forgiveness is only hard when we regurgitate and re-experience the pain and the trauma visited on us. Memory loss, and the willingness to have memory loss are critical to forgiveness. There are experiences that should not be relived. Every time you recall a painful experience it’s like peeling the scab on a wound. Continue reading

My dear Jack, don’t play with little things in your marriage. It’s the little things that are dangerous. We don’t pay enough attention to dangerous clues – the little big things that matter to our spouses. Continue reading

My dear Jil, when heads clash in a relationship, the heart can’t mesh, and that’s the problem you’ve been having in your relationship. There’s stubborn willfulness on both sides, more especially yours. So even though both of you are individually wonderful, there is a clash of personalities and clash of wills. Continue reading

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