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Conflicts

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My dear Jil, there are texts you shouldn’t read, in fact there are people whose text messages you shouldn’t open. If you know someone doesn’t like you or hates you, why read texts from such! You do yourself harm by opening texts from those who hate you. Continue reading

Dear Jack, I’m sorry your second marriage broke up. You had so much riding on it, so much hope invested. Of course I’m taking a public stand in support of you. May not go down with religious folk but what have I to do with them. Grace says don’t condemn or judge others, that you’re no better than anyone. Continue reading

My dear Jil, this is what I’ve been trying to warn you about, and I wish you’d listened to me. In much the same way I tell Jack to understand women, you also have to understand men. It does make sense to try and understand the gender you’re going to marry. You need to know how men reason. It will make your relationship easier. You’d know what to do and what not to do, what to say and what not to say. Continue reading

My dear Jil, I’ve taken time to think about it, you know, just think through. I surmise the most important thing in a relationship is sincerity. It’s the basis of trust. Once you remove sincerity from a relationship everything becomes contrived, everything becomes manipulative. Continue reading

My dear Jil, you can’t continue this way. You’re going to hurt yourself and hurt those who love you. You have pain and anger. The reality of life is that we all run the risk of being hurt in a relationship. It’s an inherent risk Continue reading

Dear Jack, there is just something about a very simple, heartfelt sincere apology. If you’ve offended her, simply say sorry. Don’t try and justify it, just say sorry. The tone of apology matters. A defensive tone will not work. Neither will a justification tone. The point of saying I’m sorry is not the point for self-justification. You can’t genuinely say, “I’m sorry” shouting either. It’s incongruent. It sounds more like, “I’ve been telling you I’m sorry and if you can’t accept it, then do whatever you like!” Or, “You’re exasperating me, I said I’m SORRY!” That’s not being sorry, that’s making a point.
Continue reading

Dear Jack, if you don’t want the truth, don’t ask me for advice. You can’t ask people for counsel and then get angry when they tell you uncomfortable truth. Goes to the question of why you asked for counsel in the first place!  Continue reading

My dear Jack, thank you for your mail. Let me give you a simple quiz – one or two questions for you to consider: If a guy constantly beats up his girlfriend, do you think wedding will change this habit and auto-reform him? If the girl in question were your sister, would you advise she goes into marriage with such an abusive boyfriend? And if she does go into marriage with this abusive guy would you be surprised he turned out to be a wife beater? Wouldn’t you say that the marital abuse was predictable and fairly certain given his antecedents? And that short of a miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus, such a man’s behavior is highly predictable? Continue reading

Dear Jack, you really have to be careful about toying with the emotions of women. That’s dangerous and volatile stuff. It’s liquefied natural gas and if it gets combusted the damage will be incalculable. It’s not stuff you joke with. I know there’s all that “sampling” philosophy out there, but people often get enmeshed in their sampling. Sampling has consequences. And when it plays out, samplers get messed up big time. Things get so messy. Be careful about your dalliances. You may end up with multiple children from multiple women. Nobody plans for that obviously, but it happens. And once children are introduced, that’s a permanent situation. It can take a lifetime to sort out the mess created and it may haunt you till you die. Continue reading

My dear Jil, life is full of trials. We all go through our fair share of trials. And yet you’ve been such a brave young woman. You’ve passed through what most can’t imagine or contemplate. You’ve experienced things that defy definition, or even explanation. It’s almost as if you’ve lived three lifetimes judging by the quantum of your experiences. And each challenge life has thrown at you, you’ve somehow punched down, even in utter weakness. Who knew you were so strong! One by one you beat the odds. Continue reading

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