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Dating

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My dear Jil, when you’ve been on your own for so long, relationships can be difficult. Clearly, you can fend for yourself and you’ve been fending for yourself. You can take care of yourself. Being an executive, you’re used to funding your own travels, buying things for yourself, even taking care of others. So on a material basis, you really don’t need a man. Yet here you are wanting marriage. Means there’s something more you want. You’re also used to keeping your own time. You go to the gym according to your schedule, go to the salon on your schedule. You do social calls without need of informing anyone. You don’t have to give an excuse or render an explanation. So you’re pretty much independent and very independent-minded. Continue reading

Jack, the first thing is to make sure you marry the right woman. See all those rules governing wonderful marriages… They don’t work with the wrong partner. Your expectations will be unrealistic if you have the wrong partner. Expected reactions will not tally with desire. And the right partner is first and foremost, someone who genuinely loves you, someone who cares about you. The wrong partner on the other hand is someone who just wants to marry. You’re just a vehicular pod. Love is a great motivator in marriage. It makes many things happen, encourages the taking of initiative. Continue reading

My dear Jil, you have to be careful about a self-centered attitude in a relationship. It has consequences. The problem many times is that people who exercise this trait are so used to it they’re not even self-aware. They’re used to getting away with intolerable behavior. That is until the pliant boyfriend says he’s had enough. Then like Esau they begin to cry to have the man back. They begin to beg for what was theirs. Unbearable behavior cannot be your operating system. You will lose the relationship, even in marriage. Selfishness inoculates against sensitivity. Continue reading

Dear Jack, I think you should avoid the temptation of compulsive dating. I understand the loneliness thing. It’s nice to have someone you can call your own, someone you can go out with. There’s just that thing about showing up at a social event with a partner.

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My dear Jil, it’s a brand new year, and the year is so full of promise. Sorry I couldn’t answer your mail over the hols. I was away. Trying to catch up on my mails. There’s a ton in my box. Continue reading

My dear Jack, you’re going to hurt yourself trying to keep up with the Joneses. You’ve got to know your limitations in life, know the lifestyle you can afford and what you can’t afford. Don’t go and join a club you can’t afford for example. It’s not just about annual subscription, there’s a lifestyle attached. If you can’t afford a boat why join a boat club? It’s a minimum requirement not so? It’s not enough to buy the boat, you must also buy the lifestyle. There are administrative expenses attached to owning a boat. There’s parking fee and maintenance fee. You’re a young entrepreneur. Every penny you spend you have to make it by yourself. You can’t spend what’s not in the bank. The boat bill of a multinational corporation CEO is borne by the company. It’s part of the package. But you don’t have such a package. It’s why you can’t compare yourself to such people. And everyone at the boat club can tell you’re struggling to pay those club subscriptions. I mean how are you going to keep up the $50,000 subscription every year? Your business needs the money. It’s an annual subscription. How will you afford it? How are you going to sustain it?

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My dear Jil, come on, you deserve better than this guy, and you know it! You’re dating him because you’ve put yourself in desperate straits – feeling or believing you can’t get any better. And this apart from the embarrassing fact that this guy tried to date two of your friends who turned him down for good reason. You feel you can’t get any better based on an aberrant philosophy. Continue reading

My dear Jil, distant relationships have their challenges. As much as your generation prides itself in digital embrace the sociological inadequacy of a Facebook romance is glaring. There’s only so much you can say or do over Facebook when it comes to relationship. You can’t go to the movies together on Facebook for instance. You can’t have a drink together. Can’t stroll together. Your case is doubly compounded because your boyfriend is not even in the country. Continue reading

My dear Jil, come on, think! Should you be relating to this sort of fellow! One expects a guy that age to be fairly settled. He’s in his forties. Not only is he unsettled and very under-achieved, he’s trolling young girls on Facebook. At 40? From onset all he’s been interested in is sex, and extorting money from you. That’s all he’s been interested in. Continue reading

My dear Jack, without commitment it’s just not going to work. I’m talking about committing your “self” to the relationship, not just being in a relationship. There’s a difference between being in a relationship and being committed to a relationship. Continue reading

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