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Dating

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It’s amazing, but what usually defines a relationship is just one event, only one. There’s an ultimacy to such events, an invisible ultimacy. Life is full of such ultimatenesses. Men are different from women in decision-making. Men rationalize their decision, seek justification for choice AFTER the event. Whereas for women, justification is BEFORE the event. Everything is settled based on that. Continue reading

My dear Jil, does faith or religion matter in a relationship? Well, I get this question regularly. In asking me this question, I suspect you’ve met a charming guy whose only disqualification for you is his faith. If we seek to answer your question from the proprietary perspective of each faith, we’ll get ensnared in relativism. So, let’s take a common sense approach to your question. Hopefully we can derive some wisdom. Continue reading

Dear Jil, to be honest with you, you’re in a quandary. Dating a separated man is tricky. It can go either way. There’s a probability it may lead to marriage, a probability; but there’s also the probability he may return to his wife. Continue reading

My dear Jil, can’t you see we’re all ridden with faults and imperfections? In classical expressionism, we’re all fallen short of God’s glorious standard. We’re in effect substandard messed up products. There’s no human without obvious and painful faults. You’re full of faults, he’s full of faults. Therefore a good relationship is not one in which parties are perfect but one in which parties are accommodating. Continue reading

My dear Jil, let me tell you a story about two people who could have been. (We are going a bit deep in this letter. We’re going to explore the ventricles of the human heart). I want you to understand the workings of why we do what we do in a relationship, what motivates our actions. More often than not we’re not aware of these things, the effect of them. We’re too focused on ourselves. Continue reading

My dear Jack, let me teach you two laws to be cognizant of in this relationship. The two laws seem obvious, sound almost stupid. Yet they’re so potent and powerful. Sometimes, laws and principles seem so obvious. Take gravity for example. Continue reading

My dear Jil, if you keep cancelling dates like you do, nobody will take you serious. Even the man who’s very much into you and wants something with you will have to give up. Why, you ask. You cancel dates at the last minute, even dates agreed on a week earlier. You blow off guys. Something always comes up – though not always totally unjustifiable. But it all adds up. It shows the regard you have for people and hints at a self-centeredness, and even selfishness. Continue reading

My dear Jil, it’s important you have self-esteem. Without it you’ll auction yourself to the undeserving, or less deserving.  Continue reading

My dear Jil, there’s such a thing as emotional stinginess. You can’t be emotionally stingy in your relationship. You want a boyfriend who fawns over you, telling you he loves you… But you deliberately hold back on reciprocation. You don’t want to be emotionally forthcoming, or even gracious, just so you’ll be in control of the relationship. It smacks of meanness, borders on coldness, manipulatedness and hardness. It’s a narcissus complex. If the guy adopts the same self-induced emotional constipation what do you think will happen?  Continue reading

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