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Letter to Jil

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“My dear Jil, it’s our wedding anniversary. As usual I have decided to pen a missive to you. It’s a diarisation of my appreciation, a documentation of the state of my heart, a gesture of gratitude.
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My dear Jil, as I read your mail, memories of a novel I read in secondary school came flooding in. I seriously doubt you’d have known a writer named James Hadley Chase – one of several pseudonyms. He wrote under five names. His birth name was actually Rene Lodge Brabazon Raymond. He was a crime writer, quite brilliant. Wrote 90 novels as Hadley Chase. Possibly read all ninety in secondary school! He had fantastic openings in his books. They’re the stuff of legend.
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My dear Jil, don’t know if you’ve ever heard of a programme called Grand Design. I think it’s on BBC Prime. Cable. It’s an architecture programme – beautiful, lovely houses on a grand scale. Creative architecture, mostly modern. These are not your run of the mill stuff. These are incredible houses – the type you’ll want to live in. Tasteful. Non garish. Well, I liken your unfolding relationship to grand design, or shall we call it grand deceit.
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My dear Jil, you probably haven’t heard about Darius Complex. It stems from ancient history – a king in ancient times who arrogated to himself God-like powers. The name of this king was Darius. For thirty days everyone was supposed to pray to King Darius as if he was God. You weren’t allowed to pray to any other deity. Everyone had to supplicate Darius, king of Persia for all their needs in those thirty days. He was in effect acting God. Of course if you lived in Ancient Persia at that time and you worshipped God, the advent of this “Man-God” must have been alarming. That’s where “Darius Complex” came from – it’s about a human taking absolute authority over another person’s life.
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My dear Jil, I just don’t get it. I hear it often but I didn’t know you subscribe to the notion too. You mean a guy asks you out on a date and you invite your girlfriend along? I don’t understand that. Now, I do understand a mini girls’ outing to which a guy is invited; but that’s clear to all the parties. In this instance however, the guy had no idea you were bringing along your friend. He came to pick you and found two women ready!
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My dear Jil, the problem is you keep dating the wrong guys, it’s not that you have a string of bad luck with guys. You keep dating guys that are neither right for you nor care about you, guys who just want to exploit you. Funny thing is you know from onset these guys aren’t right for you but you plunge on all the same, just because you feel you must have a man.
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My dear Jil, you’ve got to get rid of all those munched conversations on your phone. Love does not keep record of wrongs. In your case, you’re not only keeping record of wrongs, but evidence to be used in future prosecution of your boyfriend. And so when he says something in the future, you’ll go into that file drawer, pull out what he had said, annotated with date and time. Continue reading

My dear Jil, I know you didn’t study law but there’s a principle in law I’d like you to note. When there’s litigation, say over an asset, the court does all it can to preserve the subject matter of the litigation. You see, if the subject matter is alienated or destroyed, there can’t be justice. It renders moot the whole purpose of litigation. That principle applies to your marriage and the subject matter that needs preservation is your life. If you lose your life to this marriage there’ll be nothing to deliberate on about the marriage. It’s effectively over. The subject matter then changes to a story – of tragedy, and funeral. We’ll be speaking in hushed tones at your funeral.
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My dear Jil, it’s really very simple when you think of it. What you want in a relationship you must be prepared to give. If you want devotion, give devotion. If you want affection, give affection. If you want care, give care. What you want, give! Seems so simple, doesn’t it? These are simple rules of relationship and happiness. If you check out fantastic marriages, you’ll see these rules being applied. And they don’t seem like work because love is present. Continue reading

My dear Jil, I wish you had listened to me. You wouldn’t have had this problem. When someone offers you sincere advice with no ulterior motive and nothing to gain, you ought to pay attention to such. I told you not to give this guy money. But you went ahead and gave him doles of your money. And now… The whole thing was corny. The love was fake. Continue reading

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