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Sex

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My dear Jil, you’re going into a contractual relationship not a marriage. May God grant you wisdom to know the difference! When a guy insists you get pregnant or he won’t marry you, just know it’s a surrogacy contract. Of course he’s highly presumptuous about the forces of life with such proposition. What if you get pregnant and he marries you but thereafter lose the pregnancy? And what happens to the marriage? And what if you indeed deliver a baby but you lose the baby? What happens to the marriage? And what happens to you if you can’t have another child suppose you lose the one that produced the marriage? These things happen and have happened and will continue to happen. We don’t control life and there are forces beyond us.
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My dear Jil, rape is a very traumatic experience. It is so traumatic it can terrify a marriage years down the line. Women have been known to die from rape. It’s because it’s beyond physical. It’s a violation of the sacred. Rape is so vicious it can shred the fabric of a soul, alter the balance of life energy. It kills something inside. Rape is not just one more incident in society. At the retail level it is the scarring of someone’s life. Our society ought to take rape much more seriously than we do. There’s a cultural shrugging of shoulders about rape. It’s locker room talk in boys’ circle, as if it’s some weekend discussion about Chelsea and Arsenal. Some young men in fact revel in the fact of rape. Which is really sad. Witness how some boys boast about raping a girl. Our tolerance of such banter and disposition is the cultural equivalence of conditioning boys for rape. There are boys boasting about rape in secondary school, boasting they assaulted girls during school socials. And for some boys it’s a sorority ritual. Which makes you begin to ponder the fundamentals of our society. And now we have livestreaming of rape. If only the law allows castration. Then there are those sickos who rape kids – eight-, nine-year olds. Some even babies. Surely such people are deranged. A nine-year old can’t know how to interpret rape. She’ll malfunction.
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Dear Jack, I think you’re conflicting sex for love. You don’t really know the love of a woman, just sex. You’re at that age testosterone is raging like a bull and primal desires are seeking to overrun your life. The love of a woman is much more than sex Jack. You don’t get it. To the woman who truly loves you sex is a sacrificial offering, an oblation – the religious giving of self. Continue reading

Dear Jil, your ex can’t be looming in the background of your marriage like a recalcitrant demon. Your ex can’t be featuring in your marriage like some malodorous atmosphere. You’re going to break your marriage. You’ve got to learn to let go of your past relationship. It’s gone. You’re married now, to another man. You’re just going to bring complications into your marriage hanging on to your ex. Continue reading

My dear Jil, if a man won’t respect you, what are you doing in the relationship? This guy has no respect for you. He’s treating you like dirt, like he’s doing you a favour. You have a “take it or leave it” relationship, like he’s got so many options lined up and you’re just lucky to have him. How can someone you claim is your boyfriend treat you like a disposable? What kind of relationship is that? And you’re only confirming his opinion of you with your attitude to the relationship. You seem resigned. You’ve put yourself in a blackmail position. It’s why this guy has no sensitivity for your feelings. He sleeps with you, treats you like trash, talks anyhow to you, is insolent, crude, and you think you have a relationship. This guy has no regard for you. Continue reading

My dear Jack, you’re letting your hormones decide for you, and you’re going to make a mistake. Of course sexual attraction matters in a relationship. But it’s not the all and be all. There are other things to consider. Character matters. And so does temperament. And cultural values – things like taste, exposure, knowledge… The key is to have a balance. That balance is an aggregation of critical factors like character as well as custom factors. “I like a woman who sings and looks like Adele” is a custom factor for example. It’s a peculiar desire. Continue reading

My dear Jack, you lost the right to say those things many months ago. And you should know better. I’ve repeatedly told you to learn to take responsibility in life. You can’t impregnate a lady and begin to say those things I hear you speak. For example, it’s rather too late to say she’s not the type of woman you want carrying your child. She may well not be, but she’s already carrying your child. The argument is moot. You open yourself to charges of opportunism if you insist on that line of argument. Means your pursuit of crass opportunism became a fish bone lodged in your throat. As many will rightly ask, if you knew all that why did you sleep with her…why did you stray from your specs? Continue reading

Dear Jack, come on! How could you have fallen for this ruse? Clearly this woman targeted you and you fell for it. Any woman could have warned you. Women see these things afar off! And women say men never see these things, that men underestimate devious intentions of the feminine variety. Women can smell a groom raider miles off, which is why they implement strategic defensive maneuvers. This woman clearly set you up. She came needful of emotional comfort with a view. Of course one thing will lead to another. And now she’s pregnant. Only now you realize you were set up. I warned you about opportunistic sex. You ought to be careful, though in your case that advice is no longer applicable. Continue reading

Dear Jil, this is what I’ve been trying to say to you, to warn you about, to get you to see. You’ve been neglecting your husband’s sexual needs. You’ve not been paying attention to him. And that happens in marriage. You do work, do your family, do church, get all caught up in those things, but then neglect your husband. And not just his sexual needs, but his tactile needs as well. Continue reading

Dear Jack, I do laud your desire to maintain the no premarital sex stance. That’s an article of your faith. Never apologize for your values. Stand for what you believe in. Moreso in an age of moral relativism.

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