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All Letters

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My dear jack, we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are immediately apparent. But some others take nine months to manifest. Yours will take nine months. Impregnating your girlfriend while still in school is the nine month variety of mistake.
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Dear Jil, I’m not exactly sure what this guy means when he said his relationship with his girlfriend is stale. How can a relationship be stale? Is it bread or what? Has the relationship gone moldy or expired? What’s he saying? Is he in a relationship but not in a relationship? It’s not very clear and you better be clear. A relationship is a relationship whether moldy or not. Whether stale or not he’s still in a relationship. Ascribing the characteristics of a fungi-infested bread to a relationship isn’t exactly helpful in this circumstance.
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My dear Jil, you’ve got to break this chain of she said, she said, she said. It’s all gossip. Gossip is why there’s present continuous fight among you and your friends. Hardly is one she said settled when another she said resurfaces. Sometimes she said within she said. And so your relationship with your girlfriends is in a constant state of she said she said she said. And you’re so few. There’s a fluid alliance generated by all this gossip. Your friend today may say something behind your back tomorrow. Then to defend yourself you have an ally with someone who said last week, only you fought before the new she said. It’s like someone is playing you guys like marionettes, like someone stirring up strife among you. With all this gossip you and your friends are more or less a “Real Wives” TV series now. All we need is cameras.
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My dear Jack, life is tough. It’s the nature of life and only religion has an explanation. Life is brutal in places, rough in places, tough in places, hard in places. It’s populated by savages with primal instinct. And life can seem unfair. Good people don’t always come out on top. Good does not always triumph. Evil people prosper. We’ve had that equation since the days of Cain and Abel. The evil man even asked for immunity. Just as it is now.
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My dear Jack, you’re only going to create confusion with this binary equation you’re embracing. There are going to arise serious complications dating two girls at once. And contradictions. Fidelity will be an irony. Yes, I know you don’t mean to, and that cowardice landed you in this technical default… But the fact remains you’re in a relationship with two women and you’re going to create something messy, hurt someone. Continue reading

My dear Jil, at some point you’ll have to take responsibility for your life, especially as it concerns marriage. I do understand your mom’s concerns but she’s only looking at the “image” of the family, not your emotional health. This guy you’re betrothed to… He doesn’t love you. He’s just taking advantage of your inexperience and youth. But life assumes you’re mature enough to handle issues by yourself once you decide you want to marry.
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My dear Jack, you don’t know much about life, do you? When the subject of your pursuit ominously warns you you have no idea what you’re trying to get into, shouldn’t you reflect? I mean this is direct warning, it’s not some third party hearsay. The woman herself is warning you. She’s in effect telling you you shouldn’t be pursuing her but if you decide to continue, don’t complain if you suffer. She’s warning you you don’t know what you’re dealing with, that you really don’t know her, or know ABOUT her. In other words, your romantic notions are completely out of whack with reality. There are hidden realities about her below the surface is what she’s telling you, things you know nothing about. But you have decided to be the famed hunter in D.O. Fagunwa’s Forest of a Thousand Demons. You’re ogboju ode! You have decided to go hunting where mortals fear to thread. I admire your courage, or foolishness.
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My dear Jil, you’re going into a contractual relationship not a marriage. May God grant you wisdom to know the difference! When a guy insists you get pregnant or he won’t marry you, just know it’s a surrogacy contract. Of course he’s highly presumptuous about the forces of life with such proposition. What if you get pregnant and he marries you but thereafter lose the pregnancy? And what happens to the marriage? And what if you indeed deliver a baby but you lose the baby? What happens to the marriage? And what happens to you if you can’t have another child suppose you lose the one that produced the marriage? These things happen and have happened and will continue to happen. We don’t control life and there are forces beyond us.
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My dear Jack, you’ve got to summon up courage to ask her out. You’re going to die in silence wishing for her if you don’t summon the courage to ask her out. Granted if she says no it’s going to hurt, and damage your pride a bit, but what if she says yes! You keep dancing around her, circling like a wagon in a Western B Movie, imagining all sorts of scenarios in your head. You’ve seen her going down the aisle with you, even seen her having a baby for you. You’re a couple in your dreams. But dreams don’t produce a wife. And all the desire in the world will not produce a marriage. Ask her out. If you don’t bite the bullet and ask her out, you’ll be friend-zoned. She’ll be the wife you never had. You don’t want to watch another man take her, do you? You’ll have regrets. Right now you’re like a sub on the sideline getting ready to come on the pitch as the referee is about to blow final whistle. If she says no, laugh over the whole thing with her. Make fun of yourself. Continue your life. What else are you going to do? And she may change her mind later – who knows these things! But if she doesn’t, you have your life to live. Seek another.

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My dear Jil, rape is a very traumatic experience. It is so traumatic it can terrify a marriage years down the line. Women have been known to die from rape. It’s because it’s beyond physical. It’s a violation of the sacred. Rape is so vicious it can shred the fabric of a soul, alter the balance of life energy. It kills something inside. Rape is not just one more incident in society. At the retail level it is the scarring of someone’s life. Our society ought to take rape much more seriously than we do. There’s a cultural shrugging of shoulders about rape. It’s locker room talk in boys’ circle, as if it’s some weekend discussion about Chelsea and Arsenal. Some young men in fact revel in the fact of rape. Which is really sad. Witness how some boys boast about raping a girl. Our tolerance of such banter and disposition is the cultural equivalence of conditioning boys for rape. There are boys boasting about rape in secondary school, boasting they assaulted girls during school socials. And for some boys it’s a sorority ritual. Which makes you begin to ponder the fundamentals of our society. And now we have livestreaming of rape. If only the law allows castration. Then there are those sickos who rape kids – eight-, nine-year olds. Some even babies. Surely such people are deranged. A nine-year old can’t know how to interpret rape. She’ll malfunction.
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