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Tag Archives: Appreciation

My dear Jack, you shouldn’t be careless with your marriage. Your wife is at an emotional inflection point and you’re not even aware. That’s careless. Yes, I know you’re working so hard to take care of the family but if you lose the family, what’s the point? If you keep going this way you’re going to get blindsided by life. You’re setting yourself up for a nasty surprise. I know you love her but you’re not paying attention to those things we spoke about.
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My dear Jil, it’s important you distinguish between love and sentimental expression of love. The two are not the same and if you don’t distinguish them you may break your marriage. A man may deeply and sincerely love you but may be poor at sentimental expression. That he is lacking in the sentimental department doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, he just needs to work on that. Of course, your feelings are legitimate, a man ought to express his love and appreciation to his wife. But you can’t say a man who works so hard to take care of you doesn’t love you. That will be unfair.
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Dear Jack, a marriage can quickly become stale as a couple “settles down.” Anything stale and mouldy can’t be good. As with bread so is marriage. Yes, the courtship stage is over but it’s important to keep the momentum in marriage, even if it’s not exactly same quality. Life can be terribly busy but you have to create special occasions. You have to enjoy yourselves as a couple. Life will never end. It just keeps going and it will outlast you. You can’t overtake life. So sometimes, it’s best to get off the bus as a couple, get away from the chores of life and enjoy yourselves. The responsibilities of life never end. You have to create space to be a couple. It can be anything from going to the movies, to going for a drink together, to going to an informal party or hosting one.
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My dear Jil, you’re not going to have everything you want in a man, any more than you can be everything a man wants. The man who is EVERYTHING you want has to be someone you made. In which case you’re divinity. Man is the sum total of his genetic ancestry, nurture, knowledge, environment, cultural and spiritual influences. It’s hard to therefore, imagine that a man will be 100% of your requirement. You have no influence on any of those factors. By the time you arrived on the scene the man was already “formed.” Every other modification is now voluntary. And so we marry those who are largely what we want, not everything we’d desired. Or we’ll never marry. That man you want doesn’t exist and can’t exist. You’ll have to create him yourself. And you have to be afraid of creating such a man for yourself considering flaws in your judgment, character and make up. That means whatever you create must necessarily be a flawed individual. You’re flawed in your thinking.
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Dear Jil, I want you to be sensitive in your marriage. It’s the seeming lack of sensitivity that is causing the problems you have in your marriage. Of course, you’re not a selfish person. Forgive your husband for saying that in anger. He ought to have been careful about what he said. He’s going through some tough time in his business. You need to be sensitive about that. To his credit, he’s still meeting all the obligations at home, though he sometimes strains himself. Of course, he knows you’ve been a solid partner, picking up the slacks, doing your bit quietly. He knows you’re understanding, fundamentally. And that’s good.
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*A VALENTINE SPECIAL FOR MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE

My very own Jil, I was in church yesterday and the minister preached on gratitude. (I know you couldn’t attend). In order to make us appreciative of God’s graciousness, the minister asked us to list five things we’re thankful for. Continue reading

My dear Jil, I was at the Freedom Foundation documentary screening penultimate Saturday and what a documentary! It was about the great work being done by that organization. It’s led by Dr. Tony Rapu. Continue reading

My dear Jil, let me tell you a very sad story. I want us to draw a lesson or two. There was this genial old man everyone loved. He was kind, compassionate, generous. He prayed for everyone, related with everyone, reached out to everyone, in love. He was a wonderful father and a wonderful father-in-law to the husbands of his daughters. Old men as you know fall sick every once in a while. That said he minded his health. He was a doctor’s dream. Continue reading

My dear Jil, I did get your mail. Sorry for my late reply. I was travelling. It may sound strange, but I think you ought to appreciate his imperfection rather than just tolerating it. Imperfection is of course not the same as imperfections. Imperfection is a state, the state of man; imperfections are his acts. You’re dealing with a human not a robotic entity. His inherent nature is imperfect. Continue reading

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