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Tag Archives: Choice

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My dear Jack, I don’t see any specific charge against this lady. Just a generic ban on her nationality. You’re the one who knows her, your family knows nothing about her. They’ve never even met her! Yet they’ve judged her as unfit for you to wife, just for belonging to another nationality. Continue reading

My dear Jil, let me tell you about signs and wonders. I’ll tell you a story. There was this nice and wonderful gentleman who met a lady some years back. Continue reading

My dear Jack, there is something called fevered imagination which afflicts young men. When we have a desire for a woman our imagination can be so fevered we begin to romanticize what does not exist. Your imagination will produce another version of the lady for you. It will be a warm imagery powered by desire. You will begin to see what is not in the real life person, get pleasure from the phantom your imagination creates. If you juxtapose the real life person with the fevered imagery, the real life imagery will feel cold. Can jolt to reality. The fevered edition of the woman produced by your imagination is desirable because you’re projecting your desires. In other words, you’re falling in love with the woman you created in your imagination, not the real life person.

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Jil, I don’t know if it’s wise bringing your old boyfriend into your relationship. You’re only going to complicate your life. If you want to re-date your old boyfriend then make it tidy. Break up with your present boyfriend. But you can’t date your old and current boyfriends together. You’re going to create issues. And you may be inserting a dangerous trustworthiness factor into your relationship. If you end up marrying your present boyfriend, he may just not be sure about you in the future. You’ll have destroyed the security of the relationship. He’ll always be thinking anything can happen. And he’ll hedge his bet, emotions and exposure; after all you can take off after another man in future. How is he going to trust you or fully commit to you without leaving an allowance for disappointment? I’m just saying think through what you’re doing. You may be damaging the future.

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Dear Jack, the young man I spoke to you about… He gave me the letter his father wrote him. Was in the probate envelope. Very touching letter. I’ve asked for permission to share it with you: “My dear son, a good father prays that his son be greater than him. May you be greater than your father. May your father’s accomplishments pale in comparison to what you’ll achieve in life. Your father’s achievements only portend the scale of your accomplishment. May you be eminent. Continue reading

My dear Jack, I’m afraid I sense in your mail a burden of perplexity mixed with anxiety. You sound like someone looking for solution to an arcane problem requiring a stroke of genius. And that I worry about.  Continue reading

Listen Jil, what do YOU want? I know what everybody wants for you but what do YOU want? Everyone in your family has a matrimonial candidate for you. And so you’re torn between two gentlemen. Your mum of course has her own agenda, which does not necessarily align with your happiness. She’s thinking of what is good for the family fortune, and what is good for public relations, not what is good for you. Your sisters also have their own opinion. (Unfortunately your Dad has no opinion on their opinions). But neither your mum nor your sisters will be in the marriage with you. You will be alone. They will be in THEIR homes Continue reading

Dear Jil, this marriage thing seems so simple and straightforward. But we somehow manage to complicate it. We complicate marriage with our willfulness, our stubbornness, and ignorance. Continue reading


Dear Jack, of course physical attraction matters in a relationship. Life is not generic. We all have our taste. Don’t listen to those who over-spiritualise relationship. They’ll spiritualise Pure Water. Attraction matters! It’s dangerous to marry someone you’re not attracted to. You’ll set yourself up for sexual frustration.

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Dear Jack, I honestly don’t get it. You fell in love with this lovely girl. You’ve dated her for years now and thinking of marriage. And then your mum “took her name” to the Pastor who “examined the matter” spiritually and declared the marriage accursed.

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