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Tag Archives: Choosing a partner

My dear Jack, you don’t know much about life, do you? When the subject of your pursuit ominously warns you you have no idea what you’re trying to get into, shouldn’t you reflect? I mean this is direct warning, it’s not some third party hearsay. The woman herself is warning you. She’s in effect telling you you shouldn’t be pursuing her but if you decide to continue, don’t complain if you suffer. She’s warning you you don’t know what you’re dealing with, that you really don’t know her, or know ABOUT her. In other words, your romantic notions are completely out of whack with reality. There are hidden realities about her below the surface is what she’s telling you, things you know nothing about. But you have decided to be the famed hunter in D.O. Fagunwa’s Forest of a Thousand Demons. You’re ogboju ode! You have decided to go hunting where mortals fear to thread. I admire your courage, or foolishness.
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Dear Jack, I think you’re conflicting sex for love. You don’t really know the love of a woman, just sex. You’re at that age testosterone is raging like a bull and primal desires are seeking to overrun your life. The love of a woman is much more than sex Jack. You don’t get it. To the woman who truly loves you sex is a sacrificial offering, an oblation – the religious giving of self. Continue reading

Dear Jack, do you know what homunculus means? It means little man. When you’re petty and you nag no end, you’re designating yourself homunculus – a little man. (As is the man who inflicts violence on a woman. He’s also homunculus – little man). Continue reading

My dear Jil, I get worried when I get mails like yours. Come on, think! By your own admission this guy is temperamental and you doubt he loves you – you feel he’s using you as placeholder. Continue reading

My dear Jil, take it that you have just one decision to make, not a flurry of decisions. And it’s important you rightly frame the question. Sometimes, we make a mistake in framing the marriage question.

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My dear Jil, come on, you deserve better than this guy, and you know it! You’re dating him because you’ve put yourself in desperate straits – feeling or believing you can’t get any better. And this apart from the embarrassing fact that this guy tried to date two of your friends who turned him down for good reason. You feel you can’t get any better based on an aberrant philosophy. Continue reading

My dear Jil, you don’t have bad luck, you’re just exercising poor judgment. I get a lot of mails like yours from young women who have had successive broken relationships. These women sometimes feel there’s something wrong with them; that’s why their relationships don’t lead to marriage. They wonder why almost immediately after break up the guy goes on to marry someone else. Continue reading

Dear Jack, listen. I’m not saying there’s no love, but will it work? That’s the real question. Don’t conflict the love between two parties with the mechanics of the relationship. Think of it as a car. The concept design may give you fuzzy feelings but if the engine has issues you have no car. Continue reading

Happy New Year Jack, I hope you had a very nice holiday. I did, and I’m pumped up for the year. I told you you’ll need God’s help in the propagation of this year. Remember we spoke about spirituality last year. I’m talking an honest simple relationship with God. I asked you to open a diary of thanksgiving, to diarise the good things God does for you. Now is the time. It’s the only way to appreciate the immensity of God’s goodness in your life. You won’t realise until the end of the year. Human memory is alzheimic. It tends to forget. And it didn’t happen if we can’t remember it. That’s the nature of memory.  Continue reading