Dear Jil, the problem in your marriage is a clash of civilizations – a head on collision of three civilisations. Since each civilisation has its own philosophy it means three philosophies are clashing in your marriage.
There’s the traditional African culture, there’s secular humanism, as well as Judeo-Christian belief system. Each of these is a complete system. Each has its own philosophy, values and adjudicatory system. Different outflows. Unfortunately they are operationally contradictory. Their marital philosophies don’t agree. They have a commonality in subject matter only – marriage! But the philosophies differ.