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Tag Archives: Communication

My dear Jack, you have to be careful about escalation. Escalation is always potent in marriage. The thing about escalation is, what started out as something trite that can be swiped like a fly might end up growing into a movie monster. And it starts with hardening of positions, often preceded by silences and disregard. Instead of discussing the issue both of you withdrew into silence, each not talking to the other. Be fearful of escalation of small quarrels in your marriage my friend. Be fearful of escalation.
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Dear Jack, you’ve got to loosen up. Loosen up. There ought to be fun in marriage. You can’t be all that serious in marriage. Yes, marriage is serious stuff but there should be fun and play. You’re going to spend the rest of your life with this person. Make the history being created fun! That kind of relationship should accommodate a range of emotions and experiences that are joyful. Life is hard enough, times are tough enough. You’ve got to find moments of laughter and happiness with your partner. Both you and your wife ought to have your rituals of joy. It begins by not taking yourself too seriously, letting your guard down, being willing to be made fun of. Continue reading

My dear Jil, couples owe themselves a duty of care. A relationship is customized and privatized affection. By care, I mean the actual caring for one another. But it’s not limited to that. It also involves the notion of caring and WANTING to care. The wanting to care is what we call affection. Yes, we take those oaths during wedding ceremonies – For better for worse, in sickness and in health… So there’s a context of care when your partner falls ill, or when things take a wrong turn. But care is beyond illnesses. If we limit it to just illness it means the man who never falls ill will never receive care. Continue reading

My dear Jack, there was a gentleman named Julius Moses. And he had a son. He named him Junior. His father had named him Julius because he was besotted with stories of the military conquests of Julius Caesar. Indeed he was named Julius long before he was conceived! He kept up the family tradition and taught his son, Junior about Julius Caesar.

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Dear Jil, the reason you’re having these challenges is because you were used to staying alone. You married late.

You’re used to taking decisions without consultation. You’ll need to make adjustments. Don’t forget you had almost resigned yourself to spinsterhood when this man came along. Why stay out for so long only to wreck the marriage when the opportunity came along! It’s worth saving your marriage. And why shouldn’t it work! You have age on your side. With age comes appreciation of the graciousness of life. With age also comes maturity, and a considerate approach to marriage.

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Dear Jil, I’m sure you’ve heard the classic story of the couple who got divorced because of toothpaste administration. The man presses the toothpaste tube in the middle, the wife from the base.

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Dear Jil,

In the last few weeks I have been examining my heart, analysing my sharings with you. My cogitation moves me to write you about deeper issues. You must grapple the serious dimensions of marriage for example. If you want your husband to appreciate you more, this judgment you must cultivate. It’s good for any relationship.

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Dear Jack,

I spoke to Jil yesterday and in the course of our conversation I asked after you, about your relationship. She was self-contented that she had a relationship but wasn’t happy. Wishes you’ll talk to her more, especially during the week. Now I know you’re busy at work (she knows that too). But you’ve got to engage her. You’re not naturally disposed to such emotionalism I know but there are things we do for the sake of happiness. You’ve got to try. Need not always be vocal conversation. Text or its cousins can supplement.

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