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Tag Archives: Forgiveness

My dear Jil, it’s important you distinguish between love and sentimental expression of love. The two are not the same and if you don’t distinguish them you may break your marriage. A man may deeply and sincerely love you but may be poor at sentimental expression. That he is lacking in the sentimental department doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, he just needs to work on that. Of course, your feelings are legitimate, a man ought to express his love and appreciation to his wife. But you can’t say a man who works so hard to take care of you doesn’t love you. That will be unfair.
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My dear Jack, but you’re not going to marry her mother or sister! You’re going to marry her, not her family. If she’s critically deficient in character the goodness of her family can’t save the marriage. Neither her mum nor sister is going to live with you. 

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My dear Jack, in homicide, detectives are always looking for motive from three factors: money, sex and revenge. I was thinking about that and it occurred to me that these are the very same factors that destroy marriages. You of course know the role of money in a marriage. We’ve discussed this before. A marriage comes under intense strain when there’s no money. Continue reading

My dear Jil, I feel I need to write you once more about that “f” word – forgiveness. Forgiveness is a hard thing no doubt, and yet it’s the easiest of things. Forgiveness is only hard when we regurgitate and re-experience the pain and the trauma visited on us. Memory loss, and the willingness to have memory loss are critical to forgiveness. There are experiences that should not be relived. Every time you recall a painful experience it’s like peeling the scab on a wound. Continue reading

My dear Jil, let’s keep the momentum on #BringBackOurGirls going. It is a civic duty. My profile pix is blacked out in honour of the dead, honour to the dying, honour to the missing #ChibokGirls

As per the issue you raised- Yes, I ask you to forgive. And I do know forgiveness can seem difficult. In fact unforgiveness is the norm and much more easier, especially when you’ve been badly wronged. How do you forgive a trusted girlfriend who snatches away your boyfriend you ask? Such can destroy so many things in a person, destroy self esteem- make you doubt yourself.

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Dear Jack,

I am not ordinarily interested in wild nature or safari but for some reason I tuned to Animal Planet on Saturday. And my wife and I became riveted by the narrative of the rehabilitation of a chimpanzee named Charley into the wild. Charley had the scars of life all over his face. His face was marred and sad. He had been rescued from man’s cruelty. I actually thought he was a baboon until my wife corrected me. They all look the same to me! Baboons are different from chimpanzees apparently. And not just because they have red butts. (Baboon is derived from Middle French “baboue”. It means grimace. This probably explains my attitude! :))

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