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Tag Archives: Hurt

My dear Jack, you have to be careful about escalation. Escalation is always potent in marriage. The thing about escalation is, what started out as something trite that can be swiped like a fly might end up growing into a movie monster. And it starts with hardening of positions, often preceded by silences and disregard. Instead of discussing the issue both of you withdrew into silence, each not talking to the other. Be fearful of escalation of small quarrels in your marriage my friend. Be fearful of escalation.
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My dear Jil, have you ever sat down to read a book and certain words just seem to leap at you from the pages? Well, I was reading the Words of Isaiah the other day and a statement just leaped at me! Even more intriguing is the fact that I felt the words were meant for you. I can’t explain the feeling. I am therefore going to share them with you. Continue reading

My dear Jil, this reminds me of a lovely movie I saw on my flight to London. It’s called A Most Violent Year. Directed by J.C. Chandor, its leads were Oscar Isaac, Jessica Chastain and David Oyelowo. Set in New York in 1981, it’s a very good drama with many layers of lessons. It’s simply the story of a young man who against all odds and temptations fought to preserve his business. Had Mafia undertone – you know, mob bosses. Continue reading

Dear Jack, you know I’m sometimes amazed at young people’s protestations of love in the face of incubating tragedy. And I think you’re getting superstitious about your prospects with this lady you’re enamoured with. The stuff about if something is yours it’ll come back to you- it’s unfathomable fatalism. Means you’ll have NO i-d-e-a she’s yours until she’s back. How can a fact confirm a hypothesis retroactively? It’s neither prophecy nor wishfulness, and if wishfulness it’s not definitive. Defies logic or classification.

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My dear Jil, let’s keep the momentum on #BringBackOurGirls going. It is a civic duty. My profile pix is blacked out in honour of the dead, honour to the dying, honour to the missing #ChibokGirls

As per the issue you raised- Yes, I ask you to forgive. And I do know forgiveness can seem difficult. In fact unforgiveness is the norm and much more easier, especially when you’ve been badly wronged. How do you forgive a trusted girlfriend who snatches away your boyfriend you ask? Such can destroy so many things in a person, destroy self esteem- make you doubt yourself.

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Dear Jack,

You really can’t afford this yoyo relationship. It’s dangerous to your health. I’m not really sure your girlfriend knows what she wants.

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Dear Jack,

You had a horrific experience with your last girlfriend. I’ll advice you avoid dating the same type of woman again.

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Dear Jil,

Let me pretend this morning to understand where you’re at…that I know your pain. I pretend because no one can ever feel what you feel. No one can know the hurt. Such pain is individualised. Too many people theorise prescriptions about getting over hurt and pain. They’ve never been hurt in a relationship. I do understand how holding on to the pain can seem so natural. The pain actually keeps coming back at you, on its own.

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