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Tag Archives: Relationships

My dear Jil, when you’ve been on your own for so long, relationships can be difficult. Clearly, you can fend for yourself and you’ve been fending for yourself. You can take care of yourself. Being an executive, you’re used to funding your own travels, buying things for yourself, even taking care of others. So on a material basis, you really don’t need a man. Yet here you are wanting marriage. Means there’s something more you want. You’re also used to keeping your own time. You go to the gym according to your schedule, go to the salon on your schedule. You do social calls without need of informing anyone. You don’t have to give an excuse or render an explanation. So you’re pretty much independent and very independent-minded. Continue reading

My dear Jil, you have to be careful about a self-centered attitude in a relationship. It has consequences. The problem many times is that people who exercise this trait are so used to it they’re not even self-aware. They’re used to getting away with intolerable behavior. That is until the pliant boyfriend says he’s had enough. Then like Esau they begin to cry to have the man back. They begin to beg for what was theirs. Unbearable behavior cannot be your operating system. You will lose the relationship, even in marriage. Selfishness inoculates against sensitivity. Continue reading

My dear Jil, there’s such a thing as emotional stinginess. You can’t be emotionally stingy in your relationship. You want a boyfriend who fawns over you, telling you he loves you… But you deliberately hold back on reciprocation. You don’t want to be emotionally forthcoming, or even gracious, just so you’ll be in control of the relationship. It smacks of meanness, borders on coldness, manipulatedness and hardness. It’s a narcissus complex. If the guy adopts the same self-induced emotional constipation what do you think will happen?  Continue reading

Dear Jil,

Come on! I’m sure you know better than this. Come on! This guy’s going to make you cry with his infidelity. He’s a serial womanizer with a transit harem disposition. A guy says to you, you’re my “main chick” and you’re still asking if you should stay or quit the relationship! If you’re the main chick, it means there are subsidiary chicks. Your boyfriend is a public liability company (PLC). He has many shareholders. Are you so desperate for a relationship you’ll allow a guy to appellate you with ignominiousness? Perhaps in a perverse sort of way being called a main chick makes you feel special. You’re the main the main! But that’s not the kind of special you want, not if you want a wholesome relationship. The guy is taking you for granted and you’re consoling yourself with nonsense.  Continue reading

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