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Tag Archives: Self Esteem

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My dear Jil, you’re going into a contractual relationship not a marriage. May God grant you wisdom to know the difference! When a guy insists you get pregnant or he won’t marry you, just know it’s a surrogacy contract. Of course he’s highly presumptuous about the forces of life with such proposition. What if you get pregnant and he marries you but thereafter lose the pregnancy? And what happens to the marriage? And what if you indeed deliver a baby but you lose the baby? What happens to the marriage? And what happens to you if you can’t have another child suppose you lose the one that produced the marriage? These things happen and have happened and will continue to happen. We don’t control life and there are forces beyond us.
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My dear Jil, rape is a very traumatic experience. It is so traumatic it can terrify a marriage years down the line. Women have been known to die from rape. It’s because it’s beyond physical. It’s a violation of the sacred. Rape is so vicious it can shred the fabric of a soul, alter the balance of life energy. It kills something inside. Rape is not just one more incident in society. At the retail level it is the scarring of someone’s life. Our society ought to take rape much more seriously than we do. There’s a cultural shrugging of shoulders about rape. It’s locker room talk in boys’ circle, as if it’s some weekend discussion about Chelsea and Arsenal. Some young men in fact revel in the fact of rape. Which is really sad. Witness how some boys boast about raping a girl. Our tolerance of such banter and disposition is the cultural equivalence of conditioning boys for rape. There are boys boasting about rape in secondary school, boasting they assaulted girls during school socials. And for some boys it’s a sorority ritual. Which makes you begin to ponder the fundamentals of our society. And now we have livestreaming of rape. If only the law allows castration. Then there are those sickos who rape kids – eight-, nine-year olds. Some even babies. Surely such people are deranged. A nine-year old can’t know how to interpret rape. She’ll malfunction.
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My dear Jil, but he’s not a lazy fellow. In fact he’s a very industrious young man. Just got laid off. And that happens. I mean the economy tanked, banks downsized and he got laid off. Could have happened to you. Assuming it did, what would you have expected of him? Start berating you? This is the time to show you love your husband. He’s at his lowest ebb. He just lost his job. You should feel for him. There he was one day everything going right in his life, just got married to the love of his life…then suddenly this. Call it downsizing, rightsizing or whatever sizing is going on…as if it’s some shoe! Fact remains that at the individual level, rightsizing is not shoe fitting. It’s someone’s regular income gone! Continue reading

My dear Jil, thank you for your last mail. It gave me more insight about your person. I know the scars from the past are still there and the past seems to have left an indelible memory. The scars have made you tentative, afraid, sad at times, unsure. They put a shroud of mourning on the beauty of your spirit. But you have a lovely spirit, such simplicity and grace. But who’d ever have known! You’ve cried so much in the past few days and no one will believe you’re even emotional. Continue reading

My dear Jil, it’s important you have self-esteem. Without it you’ll auction yourself to the undeserving, or less deserving.  Continue reading

My dear Jil,
I received your missive but I really didn’t know what to make of it. I think the issue presents a deeper problem than it seems at first glance. You’re locked in a vice and I hope this mail propels you to seek escape from the cycle of unhappy relationships.

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My dear Jackson,

I asked your brother Jack to deliver this letter because I’ll be away all week. We’ll talk when I’m back. You raised certain issues in your letter. I think it all boils down to self esteem – what you think of yourself. Give it a few years and you’ll realise those “cool” guys you spoke about are operating on a false definition.

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Dear Jack,

Let’s talk about this self esteem thing. It’s affecting your ability to get dates so let’s deal with it. Self confidence is important but there’s a false version of it. You see that in the club sometimes.

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My dear Jil,

There’s no gainsaying the fact that you are a full figured woman! That’s what you are! Now you may choose to go on a diet and lose weight but as at this day, you’re a full figured woman. This guy met you full figured not skinny. He saw a full figured woman, toasted a full figured woman, got a “Yes!” from a full figured woman, he’s dating a full-figured-woman, now, that’s a full figured reality if e’er was one! Anyone can figure that out, not so?

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My dear Jil, I do appreciate your candour in acknowledging that you sometimes have sexual pressure as a woman. Denial creates its own pressure through false personal standards. Let me give you the male perspective on sex. You’ll find it most useful in relating to the opposite sex. I’m going to give you insight into the inner workings of a man’s mind as regards sex – show you the mechanics. You’ll understand why a guy professing undying love can suddenly drop you after consummation of his lust. You’ll also understand why a man will date a girl for so long, sleeping with her all along but go on to marry his preserved.
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