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Tag Archives: Worth

My dear Jack, I think you need to sit down and ask yourself what this woman means to you. It’s something every couple should do – both the man and the woman should ask what they mean to each other. Such an appraisal helps one uncover the true value of a partner. We tend to get lost in all those “husband” and “wife” titular stuff. We use the phrases so much they hardly mean a thing anymore. A “wife” (or “husband”) is after all someone you married. It’s taken as the result of an activity – the taking of an oath. It’s like “Mr. & Mrs.” It’s what you write on an envelope. Simply identifies sexes and marital status, nothing more. It can’t and doesn’t give depth to marriage. In fact, it has no usage inside marriage. In the same vein, “husband and wife” has come to represent co-joined status. If care is not taken it can be devoid of depth.
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Dear Jil, surely you can see these plans are asinine. I mean, how does it make it sense?! You’re dating a guy who lives abroad and hardly comes to town – may be once a year. So you don’t see him much. You face the typical challenge of long distance relationship. However much you do Facetime it’s never like being together. But instead of talking marriage, this man is talking about making you a baby mama. Why would you want to be baby mama instead of wife? And according to him you’ll have to stay here for two years after you’ve had the baby. You can’t travel to stay with him immediately. This allegedly is to ensure you don’t do menial job when you travel to meet him in UK! I’m lost and confused over this logic. So you stay two years apart so you don’t do menial job in the UK. Don’t get it, what’s the link?
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My dear Jil, there comes a point we must stop digging ourselves in, in a relationship that’s no relationship. If you keep investing emotionally and materially in a relationship knowing your love is not requited, you’re digging a hole. There’s that point in this kind of relationship when we need to cut our losses. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. We’re talking years of life investment. But we can’t keep digging ourselves in, fooling ourselves we’re collecting clay to make bricks to build a relationship. The deeper the hole we dig, the more we’re caked in mud, and the more we disappear from view.
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My dear Jack, you don’t even know yourself though you think you do. You have no idea who you are. You just think you have self-knowledge. Young men can be that way – so confident and full of hubris. Only the confidence is vacuous. It’s what makes them prone to mistakes of choice of marriage partner – the confidence of ignorance.  Continue reading

My dear Jil, I’m a little concerned about this relationship with this older gentleman. The age gap is considerable no doubt but that’s not really my concern. It’s him, what he wants. I’m not sure this gentleman wants you, or even loves you. I think he just wants to procreate through you. He has not been able to father children from his previous marriage. He has no offspring, hence you. And that’s the nerve of my concern – that he went for your youth as guarantee of feasibility of biological procreation. And so you’re both approaching the relationship from disparate perspectives. You’re genuinely in love; and his maturity and relative attainment give you security. He’s not in love, he’s looking for kids. It’s why your delay in taking in has given him concern. Continue reading

My dear Jil, 

This is my first letter to you. I shall in this and following letters acquaint you with certain perspectives on life. 

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