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Read Letter

Women Are Movie Directors

Dear Jack,

Yes, it does seem she’s rushing you, and before you know it you’re at the altar! *Laugh!* But seriously, it’s not really that. It’s just the makeup of women. How can I explain this to you now?

You see, life is like a movie script to women. They visualise themselves in roles and imagine roles for others. You are in a movie script right now. You just don’t know it! There are other cast and crew members by the way – friends and family. Like you, they don’t know it too! Let me rephrase that: they have not been informed officially – I mean the women friends. The average woman knows who her chief bridesmaid is – years before she meets the man! And the chief bridesmaid knows!

A woman knows what her wedding will look like – what dress she’d wear, the length of the train, even location. She can see herself walking down the aisle. A woman can produce an entire feature length movie in her head. But men? Somehow, we can only produce YouTube movie clips – one to two minutes! (We’re good at imaginary conversations though).

And to that extent, a man is an Executive Producer. He worries about production and the feasibility of the marriage ceremony. But a woman thinks more about the storyline – the visuals, shots, angles. In other words the woman is a movie Director. By the time she meets the man she wants, the movie is already in production. Only now the secondary character is in 3D. It’s why she begins to buy things into your apartment like she’s going to live there. (It’s her home. You just pay the rent! You’re lead male role, not primary character! )

She begins to talk about “us” and “we”. And plans “our” vacation. She even begins to cook. And serve it! (She doesn’t dish it). She takes an inventory of your kitchen, mentally notes what’s missing and arranges supply. It’s called investment. She might even start talking about “softening” your house. Most likely she’ll complain it’s too masculine. Trust me, she’s mentally ordered new curtains, and throw pillows with softer colours. Did I mention the size of your freezer! Your bathroom will not be spared either. Funkified cup holders, new sponge, new towels… She’s constructing a movie set in which your life scenes will be shot. And we love it as men but not the implication.

You can see she’s left the altar already! Meanwhile you’re talking of being led to the altar! Oh, your diet! She’s going to change your diet too. You have to eat “healthy”, cut down on Coke. Lots of water.

It’s an incredible phenomenon when a woman colonises existence. She’s now living in your house! She’s not being smart in that sense. She’s just laying colonial claim to her movie set. (Well, maybe it’s smartness!) And that’s why you feel rushed. She’s directing a movie she scripted. They marry us you know! That’s why we say “I do” and “I will”. Have you ever heard a man say “I won’t”? Even in a movie!

The slippers, the “cooking blouse”, the obligatory pair of jeans! They’re too much load to be hauled back and forth. Oh by the way, she also begins to leave Saturday wear in your house. Might as well leave them behind! Makes sense! Before you know it, she has an entire closet in your house and it’s bigger than your wardrobe times two! And she might as well change in your house if you have an outing. That’s cue for wardrobe expansion. She’ll surround you like the mountains surround Jerusalem. You’ll bump into her everywhere you turn. Okay, I’ve parodied some things but this is the way women think. A woman is thus naturally miles ahead of you because of her movie directing capacity.

Before she meets you, she uses an avatar as fill in for you until you show up. She inserts you in post production! When a woman loves she loves with her all. She’ll devote considerable energy and resources to the enterprise.

It’s why disappointment can be so devastating. It’s also why she can bring down the house in anger. I hope this helps. Stop palavering your soul. You’ll catch up with her at some point.

She’s waiting for you at the roundabout! Enjoy your weekend!

Your Mentor, LA


©Leke Alder 2013


Tags : Visualisation, Weddings

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