Dear Jack,
You’re not a chipmunk are you? The memory of chipmunks lasts only three days. Unfortunately they like to store and hide food. After three days they don’t know where the food is hidden! You’re behaving like a chipmunk. You’re exhibiting short memory, which is rather painful considering all the trauma this lady has put you through. Seems you’ve forgotten the pain, including your hospitalization and near full-blown mental breakdown. You can’t afford to break down again Jack. Stop playing with your mental health.
And she’s just collecting your money, playing you. You’re the fool. She’s not in love with you. You’re just an ATM- a dispensary. She’s exploiting the fact you consider yourself lucky to have someone like her. She’s beautiful no doubt. But beauty is just a veneer. The big question is, what’s under? All the beauty in the world will not a good marriage make. It’s character that matters. The value of beauty without character is a hyper depreciated Zimbabwean dollar.
Let me put you in remembrance: You want to marry a lying, cheating, cunning and manipulative woman. You want to marry someone you know will give you grief, an uncontrollable independent agent without compunction. She’s going to openly go after other men. What’s the value of your manhood then? And you’re just a back up. You’re the harbor she returns to after every voyage of misadventure. When it doesn’t work out she returns to you. You’re not really who she wants. Neither are you what she wants. When what she wants invariably turns her down, she returns to your embrace like a penitent sinner. Her gaze is outward. She’s constantly looking out for what is not you. She knows she’s taking you for a fool. And she’ll keep doing it as long as you allow. Can’t you see she’s manipulating you and doesn’t love you Jack!
This notion of love as tragic pain… don’t buy into it. It’s tearjerker movie stuff designed to make you cry into your drink. Why should love be tragic? Why must it be pain? Why must love be sorrow? And you’re clinging to an illusion like a self-mesmerised man in a three-dimensional vacuum of self-loath. You think you can have this woman but in truth you can’t. She likes bad boys. You’re a choirboy! She neither shares your faith nor belief in committed monogamous relationship. She just wants to have fun! How can you hold a party and she brings another man to the party, openly flirting with other men? That’s your girlfriend?! And she’s always broke. She does no work. She goes from man to man in perfected economic seduction. What you don’t know is that she’s sworn never to work a day in her life, to live off men. Her beauty of course guarantees her income though I’m not so sure of pension.
Every beauty invariably fades away. At some point in life, age turns us into caricatures of our vain selves. At some point, someone’s going to say, “She must have been a looker when she was young.” That’s life! This lady you’re pursuing so adamantly, she’s not a homemaker. You are, and you want a home! So how is it going to work? She’s peripatetic, fleeting like a moment. How are you going to settle down with her? Why do we insist on pursuing pain and depression in the name of relationship? You already know this relationship can’t work and won’t work. But you’re trying to force it to work. You’re trying to mold human nature, make a square peg fit into an undersized triangular hole. Whatever joy you get from this relationship will always be brief and temporary. She’s your poison now, killing you softly, and slowly.
Why don’t you just go for your type? There are many women out there who are just like you. It always amazes me when people go for people not their type. How are they going to gel? Forget all that stuff about opposites attracting. Are you a magnet? Go for someone like-minded. If you’re stable go for the stable type. Or you may have incomprehension. If you’re conservative you’re better off with a conservative type. It’s stabilizing. If you’re cultured go for the cultured type. Or there’ll be false desires, standards and expectations. You can’t satisfy this woman’s wild side however you try. You’re not an original. You don’t have proprietary wild genes. It’s important a man comes to terms with himself, comes to terms with his own realities. But some people love contradictions. They revel in contradictions and can’t see the irony. There are those who wear sharp suits, expensive watches and vanity as urban armour. Yet these same people want to have girlfriends that do not adorn themselves – no ear rings, no make-up! They can’t see the contradiction in seeking to turn their exposed girlfriends into veritable widows without adornment. How is it going to work is a question you need to constantly ask yourself in a relationship. And if it’s not going to work, it’s not going to work. If you force the unworkable to work, it will break down like a knocked engine. And the price is always high.
Jack, beg God to deliver you from this woman. You obviously can’t deliver yourself. She will destroy you. You need deliverance. You’re possessed of her. She’s hooked you. Her claws are that much into you. You don’t want to be Antoni Banderas in Original Sin, do you?
Your mentor, LA
© Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com