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Read Letter

Toying With a Woman’s Emotions

Dear Jack, you really have to be careful about toying with the emotions of women. That’s dangerous and volatile stuff. It’s liquefied natural gas and if it gets combusted the damage will be incalculable. It’s not stuff you joke with. I know there’s all that “sampling” philosophy out there, but people often get enmeshed in their sampling. Sampling has consequences. And when it plays out, samplers get messed up big time. Things get so messy. Be careful about your dalliances. You may end up with multiple children from multiple women. Nobody plans for that obviously, but it happens. And once children are introduced, that’s a permanent situation. It can take a lifetime to sort out the mess created and it may haunt you till you die.

Solomon says to keep your eyes straight before you. It means be focused, keep your objective in view. If your objective is to settle down with someone you love, then messing around has to be an awful distraction. It’s like setting out on a definitive journey but detouring every few miles to play and fool around. Such a course of action does not depict seriousness about life. And it’s not an economic use of energy and resources, or time. When you mess around, the time spent is your life. And the way life is, one day you’re just going to wake up and ask yourself where did the years go! Life’s like that. You’re thirty-five one day; you sleep and wake up and you’re suddenly sixty! Where did the years go? These things I tell you will become very apparent as you grow older. I wish you’d listen. Tuition is cheaper than experience.

You have two problems in your life right now, and they’re in the shape of women. You have had a long-term girlfriend. She must have been very young when you met her. She’s now in her mid-twenties, which means you started “dating” her when she was in secondary school! You were of course much older. Essentially, you’re the only man she’s ever known. And to all intents and purposes you’re practically married. She’s been living with you for so many years. But now, after dating her for ten years you have suddenly discovered she has grievous faults and baggage; which of course means you’ve laid foundation for getting rid of her, only you lack the boldness to tell her. Instead of telling her you won’t marry her, you told her you’re not ready to marry. To her it meant she should wait. You think by telling her you’re not ready to marry she’ll shoo off. You don’t understand the affection of women do you?

This woman can’t contemplate the impossibility of not being married to you. It’s why she attempted suicide when you withheld sex from her. You thought you were “punishing” her and making a point but she read it as you want to leave her. She rightly or wrongly interpreted it to mean you were “getting it outside”; that another woman was supplanting her. Be careful. Death may not miss a second time having failed in the first attempt on her life. If this girl dies on account of her love for you, you will carry a heavy load all the days of your life. And so you have a bone stuck in your throat. Exploitative sex is not free after all!

And as if you don’t have enough problems you went to get involved with another woman. (Shaking my head as I type this). What are you doing?! You have an unresolved issue and you’re layering another problem on top of it. And now the new girl is pregnant for you. Do you know what you’re doing at all? That the new girlfriend knew about your subsisting girlfriend is not her issue. It’s your issue. That’s how it works. She probably assumed you were getting rid of your old girlfriend, or why get involved with her! She was of course disappointed when you started emming and hawing at the herald of conception of your baby. Your body language indicated you just wanted sex, not marriage. Now she says you’ll never see your child!

Meanwhile you can’t tell your other girlfriend you’re expecting a child from another woman. There’ll be suicide attempt. You have a triangulated complicated existence – a fishbone girlfriend prone to suicide is lodged in your throat; then the pregnant girlfriend you don’t want to marry. You’ve managed to mess up your life in just a few years of existence. Do you know what you’re doing?!

And you’re still open to flirtations on social media. Are they “doing you”?! Are you under some sort of voodoo influence? You’re conjuring life and death: a girlfriend prone to suicide; another girlfriend carrying new life in her tummy. You’re hemmed in on either side by life and death. Listen to me young man: When a woman tells you if I can’t marry you nobody else will, you better take it serious. And when a suicidal woman makes the same threat, you better take it doubly serious. If I were you I’d be fearful. As it is, the life of your pregnant girlfriend is in danger, as is your life. You’re playing with triple homicide. Nay, quadruple homicide – you, your pregnant girlfriend, her child, and the life of the suicide prone girlfriend. Death is dogging your steps and you’re whistling, merrily unperturbed in the valley of the shadow of death. You better start making some firm resolutions on the issues. You’re playing with your life. The emotions of the girls you’re toying with on social media… These girls, they’re real! They’re humans, not plastic babes. You’re colliding the destinies of women like an agent of demolition and destruction. Be careful.

Determine what you want in life. Stop messing around. Stop destroying lives. What exactly do you want? Who exactly do you want? The earlier you resolve these questions the best for everyone. How are you going to tell the woman in your house you’re not going to marry her? What relationship do you want with the mother of your child? And that child… How are you going to take responsibility for him? These are the issues you should be resolving. If you make the mistake of impregnating yet another woman, you must really hate yourself. Either that or Erebus the Greek god of darkness has encircled your life in his mist. Sit down young man and think over your life.

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder |


Tags : playing around, love triangle

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