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Read Letter

May you Know a Good Woman

Dear Jack, the young man I spoke to you about… He gave me the letter his father wrote him. Was in the probate envelope. Very touching letter. I’ve asked for permission to share it with you: “My dear son, a good father prays that his son be greater than him. May you be greater than your father. May your father’s accomplishments pale in comparison to what you’ll achieve in life. Your father’s achievements only portend the scale of your accomplishment. May you be eminent.Entertain no fear about tomorrow. Face it with boldness. Work hard, believe in yourself, believe in your future. Sometimes there’s nothing in life to base our hope on except hope itself. But if we apply ourselves to the opportunities gifted us hope begins to feel substantial. May your blessings surpass the blessings of your progenitors unto the utmost bound of the everlasting hills.

But you need to guard your affection. You need to be mindful of matrimonial yoking. Get the right woman for you and your life will be full of thanksgiving. But a wrong matrimonial yoke will achieve the exact opposite. It will drain your life strength. It’s why you need to mind this wifehood business, why you can’t afford to be careless. You can’t afford to be hooked by “accident.” Matrimony ought to be a deliberate and voluntary act, not something you’re forced into either by trick or compulsivity. Beware of the trickster with a design on your life. It’s not always obvious. Those with a good heart are the last to realize. Nonetheless you have this one assurance: the integrity of the upright preserves them.

The really sad thing about a terrible marriage is the share waste of life. A bad marriage depletes years of a life. It takes a lot to get out of and it takes a lot to recover from. Notice how divorced old men and women still keep talking about their terrible experiences. It’s because physically getting out of a bad marriage is one thing, psychological emancipation is another. A bad marriage slows down your life. The amount of energy required to move on is very disproportionate. It’s akin to a man over-revving an engine just to move a distance of a meter. A bad marriage puts you in hibernation. You are alive but with no energy to move in the life direction you should. Many times it stalls projects. And it can make you somnambulant. You’ll become a sleepwalker.

Recovery from a bad marriage takes time. And a lot of determination. Those who recover from the effects of a bad marriage in five years have experienced a miracle. Usually takes longer. Even when they remarry they’re still in recovery, strenuously trying to put a gap between them and the past. Which is why I tell you to make a careful choice when it comes to marriage. Feelings are not enough. Feelings come and go. It’s the solidity of the core of the relationship that matters. Marriage will determine your happiness. And we don’t appreciate happiness enough. We take it for granted. The man who has known sorrow better appreciates happiness. The famished soul appreciates the aroma of food. Values are critical. It’s important you share the same values with your marriage partner. Watch out for values.

You’ll know when marriage is not going to work. It just won’t work in your very self. You’ll be struggling with it, you won’t feel comfortable. That’s the way it is with potentially bad marriages. You’ll be acting the part without depth of feeling, just going through motions. You’ll know deep down inside you, you shouldn’t go into the marriage. You’ll be manufacturing desire. And once you start manufacturing desire in a relationship you ought to be aware you’re courting disaster. And some put themselves in a sexual mood in order to manufacture desire to marry someone. If the only basis of your desire is sexual then you ought to be careful. Outside that context there’ll be no relationship. The responsibilities of marriage are largely outside the context of sex. It’s why sex is too narrow as basis of marriage. If the relationship feels dry, like a duty, you ought to be wary too. It means you’re forcing yourself. But if it’s right it just feels natural. There’ll be no effort. Everything will just seem to work.

A good relationship will answer your fears, provide answers to unvocalised questions of your heart. You’ll wonder and wonder about what CAN be wrong and you’ll feel nothing wrong. It will all feel so natural. And there’ll be love. You’ll know the woman loves you, you’ll feel it inside, know it deep inside you. That love will give you an assurance, it will give you no worries, no fear. There’ll be a simplicity about the love that’s befuddling. You won’t understand it. It’ll just be. There’ll be a devotion you can’t explain. Will seem the person was dedicated for you, someone sent to your life course. It’ll be like she’s sent to play a role in your life, to stabilize your life. You’ll feel a depth of love for her you can’t explain – an appreciative love. Everything will just be. Things will be easy. No friction, no pain. If you do get such a woman then you’ve struck something valuable. Keep her. Love her. But if you meet someone and your spirit just can’t gel however you try, stop trying and let it go. Love feels natural. It’s not contrived. It’s not manipulated. It just is. May you know a good woman. And may you marry a good woman. May you have the wisdom to know a good woman, the woman right for you. And may it all come together for you. Your Loving Father, VBA.”

Well, what do you think?

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder |


Tags : Values, Choice, Decision

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