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Read Letter

Set Up

Dear Jack, come on! How could you have fallen for this ruse? Clearly this woman targeted you and you fell for it. Any woman could have warned you. Women see these things afar off! And women say men never see these things, that men underestimate devious intentions of the feminine variety. Women can smell a groom raider miles off, which is why they implement strategic defensive maneuvers. This woman clearly set you up. She came needful of emotional comfort with a view. Of course one thing will lead to another. And now she’s pregnant. Only now you realize you were set up. I warned you about opportunistic sex. You ought to be careful, though in your case that advice is no longer applicable.

What you deem “free sex” may actually be someone setting a trap to tie you down, for life! All those stories she told you… They were leading somewhere. By the way you’re only halfway through the journey. The end of her design is to break your relationship with your girlfriend and marry you, afterall she’s carrying your baby. As it is, your relationship with your girlfriend will need a miracle to stand. She’s devastated by the news of this woman’s pregnancy, as should be expected. You can’t just expect her to just take it in stride and proceed with you to the altar. It’s really devastating. It’s easy for you to want to move on as if it’s nothing major. But you have to see this from her perspective. She feels betrayed, which is why she doesn’t want to see you. You’ve inserted fear into the relationship, introduced insecurity. She can’t trust you again. You have to seek to rebuild that trust. But the fear will keep resurfacing for some time. How’s she sure you won’t cheat on her again? How’s she sure this lady was just a fluke? And how could you cheat on her with such a woman? These are thoughts that’ll be going through her head. If you ever want her back you’d have to do a LOT of work. You’ll have to do everything to convince her your relationship is worth it. You have to show immense contrition. And it’s going to take time. She’ll have to heal. Healing takes time.

There’s also the PR angle. Who’s she going to tell? How’s she going to tell? And how’s she going to tell her parents? It’s humiliation. That’s how she’ll see it, that’s how her friends will see it. Not many parents will agree to such a marriage. You really messed things up with this extracurricular affair. And this woman is now in your life for life. She’s carrying your baby. She has claims over you and your finances just because she’s carrying your baby. You can now see all those things she said about her boyfriend are lies. She orchestrated the pregnancy and you fell for it. I’d warned you in the past about messiah complex – believing you can save anyone. You can’t save anyone, only God can. Even when it seems we did the saving, he did!

Intimacy in the telling of details of life’s difficulties can lead to an intimate relationship if care is not taken. There’s an intimacy to sharing very personal information with someone. In this case a listening ear led to words of comfort, which led to cuddle, which led to kissing, which led to sex. But once was a “mistake.” That she kept coming back for more should have alerted you there’s a design. And you thought you were being smart too. You kept your girlfriend but felt you could do something on the side. I’d advice you don’t marry this woman even if you can’t win your girlfriend back. You should be fearful of someone who can set you up for pregnancy. Goes to character.

If you make the mistake of marrying this lady you’ll have regrets. And the reasons are obvious. You don’t love her, never wanted her, never thought of marriage. She was just a side event to you. Only now she’s trapped you with an update to your life. You have Junior on the way. You have to accept responsibility for the child however. You conceived the child. It’s a reality you have to live with, a mistake you have to accept. Accept it like a man. Life is a journey. There are mistakes that are stupid, especially those mistakes we willy-nilly walk into. And you’ve got to be careful not to make another such “mistake.” Or your life will be defined. Your life will get really complicated. Opportunistic sex can lead to complications.

Travel; go and see your girlfriend. Don’t try and justify anything. Just beg and beg and beg. And then go back and beg and beg and beg. Perhaps her heart will soften. But if she does decide not to go on with the relationship, you can understand. If she agrees to take you back however you better marry her fast. That will take the wind out of the sail of the interloper. Because like I said she ain’t finished with you yet. You have to sit down with this pregnant lady and have a frank discussion. Let her know you’re not thinking of marriage but fully accept responsibility for your child. Now you realize she’s been looking for insemination all along. She wanted to have a child any which way. And please don’t sermonize her. You lost your moral authority by impregnating her. That talk is one of the unpleasant consequentials of your libidinous and amorous excursion.

It will help your case with your girlfriend if you tell her you’ve already laid down the gauntlet. Ask her to find it in her heart to forgive you. She’s also thinking through the consequences. One consequence is that she’s automatically a stepmother at the beginning of her marriage to you. And I hope this other woman is not trouble, or she’ll trouble your marriage no end. These are my two pennies. Get back to me on your plan.

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder |

Tags : Pregnancy, Sex, Discipline

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