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Read Letter

Woman Wahala

My dear Jack, you’re only going to create confusion with this binary equation you’re embracing. There are going to arise serious complications dating two girls at once. And contradictions. Fidelity will be an irony. Yes, I know you don’t mean to, and that cowardice landed you in this technical default… But the fact remains you’re in a relationship with two women and you’re going to create something messy, hurt someone. You landed in this situation by not breaking off with your girlfriend before starting a new relationship. You were cowardly. You knew it’s not going to be pretty breaking up with your girlfriend so you just began a new relationship. And until your new girlfriend pushed, neither of the two women knew each other existed. You were dating in subterfuge. By the way that’s a euphemism for cunning deceit. You were lying to both women. It takes a lot to keep such a pretense going and you ought to reappraise your character.

Now, be afraid of your capacities. You just witnessed a dramatic conversion of your character. You did something you never thought you were capable of. You’ve demonstrated a worrying capacity to string two women along. When it comes to relationship, neat and tidy are very desirable words. This situation is not neat and tidy. And your conscience is going to become calloused as you intuitively improvise deceit. You’ve perfected lying about your availability. You lie to one about your whereabouts when you’re with the other. You’re playing one girl against the other. And worse you’re sleeping with both. You’re looking for trouble young man – the one local people call “woman trouble.” Pray you don’t experience it.

When you drive a woman to the point in which she no longer cares, that’s the crucible for “woman’s trouble.” She’ll burn down the house on your head and won’t care. That’s when you know you found what they call “woman trouble.” You forget women have more emotional capacity than men. Which means she has volumes of passion you don’t have. You don’t want that passion becoming combustible. The vision that comes to mind is the Hindenburg air balloon. And to imagine you’re toying with two women. You can’t handle the conflagration and it’s bound to happen. Your life will never remain the same after this thing blows out. No fire extinguisher works in this situation. If you want to have a relationship with this new lady, break off with your old girlfriend. It’s the tidy thing to do. And it’s the most reasonable course of action. You’re just going to create unnecessary complications. That’s because you’re juggling two lives, and holding the two lives in abeyance pending some resolution without definition. Be careful. There are many ways such things get resolved. Unscripted. You can’t anticipate how. You’re even going to confuse yourself, if you’re not already.

As long as you’re getting the benefit of both women your brain can’t discriminate rationally. There’s a sex fog. When you finally make a choice, or when life makes a choice for you – that’s when you realize things. The knowledge you have of either woman is relative. You don’t have knowledge outside that paradigm. The benefits of the two women are mashed up in unified form in your brain right now. There’s no exclusive analysis. Then you’re making promises to the families of both women. You really want to compound your life don’t you? Make up your mind and come clean. As it is someone’s bound to be hurt. And it may be you. If you think you’re smart playing both women against each life, you’ll sooner realize you outsmarted yourself. Tidy is better. Walk up to your old girlfriend and let her know you don’t want to marry her. Don’t keep up this ruse.

In a relationship people commit their lives. That ruse you’re running is on someone’s life. Someone’s going to end up very bitter in this game you’re playing. You don’t know bitter. You think it’s Schweppes Bitter Lemon. You don’t want a woman bitter against you. And the longer this thing goes on the more the potency of such bitterness. Your older girlfriend at some point is going to expect you to formally pop the question. She doesn’t know you don’t want her. You’re already committed. What’s left is just formalization of solemnization intent. Your new girlfriend too is going to expect you to pop the question. You’ve given her the impression you’re in a hurry. Of course the fathers of your concurrent girlfriends know you don’t come to play Ludo in their house. Each is going to ask his daughter what’s going on when you foot-drag. Now you’re looking for father’s trouble. Expect mother’s trouble in the mix. You can’t know how far a mother will go. This new girl is her father’s only daughter. You know the kind of man he is and you’re fooling around. Doh re mi

I totally support your new girlfriend giving you that ultimatum. May be that will help you make up your mind. Whether by ill or circumstantial intendment the reality is that you’re playing with the emotions of two women. And why would you want to become life’s parable, you know – one of those guys who jilt women at the last minute? I advise you bite the bullet and do the needful. Choose. Stop stringing these two women. It’s unfair to expect your new girlfriend to help you resolve the termination of your old relationship. You expect the fact of this relationship to terminate the other. It doesn’t work that way. You sort out yourself. The fact your old girlfriend thinks you’re thinking otherwise will only force her to dig in. She’s going to double down. If you decide to go with the new girlfriend, she may choose to trouble the union claiming legitimacy and precedence. She’ll be a gravitational force outside the marriage, drawing you out. And so the mess continues, only a bigger mess. Of course she’ll know the marriage is not strong. Or you won’t be coming to her for succor. And she may choose to exact revenge on your wife by holding your heart. These things happen. Make up your mind what you want and stop creating confusion. Be a man!

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder |

For related letters, search for Toying With a Woman’s Emotion and Date a Woman Who Loves You Genuinely at

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It’s unfair to expect your new girlfriend to help you resolve the termination of your old relationship. Click To Tweet Make up your mind what you want and stop creating confusion. Be a man! Click To Tweet As long as you’re getting the benefit of both women your brain can’t discriminate rationally. Click To Tweet
Tags : Choosing, Competition, Issue, Jealousy, Secrets, Deception, cheating, playing around, the other woman, Emotional commitment, How a woman thinks

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