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Read Letter

I Impregnated My Girlfriend

My dear Jack, we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are immediately apparent. But some others take nine months to manifest. Yours will take nine months. Impregnating your girlfriend while still in school is the nine month variety of mistake.

Now, I know you love each other and want to marry. But that wasn’t supposed to be a precipitancy – something sudden. I can imagine what you’re going through now. It’s like suddenly growing up. And yet you’re both in Year Two. I’m glad you manned up. That’s the right thing to do – taking responsibility for your action, being there for your girlfriend. Naturally, both your parents and hers will be disappointed. This wasn’t the plan of both sets of parents. They had already fixed a future date for nuptials. But after your studies. And her parents love you. You practically grew up together. There are many instances of the kind of love you have, people who date from secondary school. So young a love can be powerful. You need to go to her parents and tell them you’re sorry. They know you didn’t exploit her. They understand things happen between a young boy and girl. They would just have wished it’s not their daughter. And these are good parents. Her father is so unassuming; has a solid reputation where things matter. But this puts spotlight on them – the type they’d rather avoid. She’s the daughter of an ambassador. They accepted you and approved of you from day one. It was just assumed. Your parents are family friends.

Go to her father and apologise to him. It’s a proof of your character and upbringing. He may be disappointed but he’ll be impressed you count him worthy for such honour. He’ll have a higher rating of you. His mind will be pacified with some comfort. Don’t worry, the fathers will discuss the way fathers do. They’re tennis partners. They’d resolve things their own way – philosophically. They’ll work out a non-verbalized agreement. But meanwhile they’ll resign themselves to the fact she’s pregnant. This is the time to show your character, to show that the faith placed in you was well placed.

You need to have a talk with her mum too, just to say you’re sorry. The way these things go she’ll see you as “impregnator.” It’s why you have to take responsibility. But she calls you son. Treat her as a mother. Her grade of mother is very Naomic. You’ll thank God you have her later. Then you need to talk to your dad. Naturally he’d be disappointed. But you’re his son. And he’s a good dad. Tell your dad you’re sorry you disappointed him. He’s your father. He loves you. Everyone knows that. And then have a talk with your mum. You have a wonderful mum. The quality of her perspective will be different from everyone else’s. You’re her son. Words can’t fully capture the emotions of a mother over her son. Her love for you won’t change till she dies. Her love is not remotely subject to the possibility of the possibility of reexamination. You’re lucky to have the mother you have. Not everyone is so lucky. So go to her. You don’t even need to say a word. She knows what you’re going through and she’ll be a mother to you.

Also, you need to assure your girlfriend in words and deed that nothing will change, that you still love her. It will mean a lot to her. She’s devastated right now, she’s in shame. All eyes are on her. She’s the subject of discussions. Unfortunately, when things like this happen in this society, the attention is always invariably on the girl. Everyone knows she’s not a bad girl, that she’s an innocent Jil. Which is all the more why she’ll be the fodder of gossips. Moreover, she’s going to lose some time in school while you continue your studies because she’s going to have the baby. The good thing is you both have good mums and you can see they’ve volunteered to take care of the baby. The point they’re trying to make is, she has to return to school after delivery, finish her studies and get her degree. Without their support it will be difficult. Not easy studying and nursing a child. And she’s an inexperienced mother. She wasn’t prepared for motherhood. That will show.

Right now she’s dealing with all those changes going on in her body – hormonal changes. Her body will soon start changing shape. You have to be sensitive not to say the wrong thing about her figure. You have to be there for her. She can’t call and you don’t respond. If you’re in class, send a text, then call her back. She’s lonely and afraid. And the only friend she’s always turned to has been you. You have to be there for her.

Well, everyone I assure you is thinking this question: What then? So I’m asking, what then? What’s the plan? Whatever that plan is, it shouldn’t put your dream and hers on hold. Your dreams just require extra effort. We all look forward to a movie ending – young loves made mistake of youth but everything turned out wonderful. It’s our hope and faith for both of you. A happy ending. We all look forward to your wedding. But first things first. You have to concentrate on your studies. Your body language matters. It’s what will determine people’s reaction to her on campus. Things happen. This has happened. Nothing you can do. Accept it. Winding back the tape and wishing you hadn’t taken that step is a useless endeavour. You didn’t get off the bus, period.

You also have to think of how to earn some money on the side. As benevolent as your father is, there are things he shouldn’t be taking care for you.

If you take all these steps I suggested, you’ll lay a foundation for a surer future. I look forward to your wedding in the future. Perhaps the baby will be the ring bearer!

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder |

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Tags : Pressure, Responsibility, Sex before marriage, Respect, Pregnant, growing up, Courage

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