Register here

Register using an email address

Terms & Conditions

Already have an account? Login here

Register using a social network

Login

Login using your email address


Keep me logged in
Forgot your password?

Login using a social network

Feedback

Read Letter

Due Diligence

My dear Jack, the reason you fell into this trap is because you dated without recourse to reference. What do I mean by that? It’s like when you apply for a job. Your new employer will write your old employer for an opinion about you. You’re also asked to provide referees. These are not just formalities. They’re sources of intelligence. At that point in time those referees know more about you than what your new employer could have extracted in interviews. If you’re a crook for example your old employer will say. And if you were a wonderful staff your old employer will make powerful recommendation. The system bridges the knowledge gap for your new employer. It’s professional courtesy from one employer to another.

Same principle applies to dating. There are things you can’t know about a woman from a chat up. Same way there are things a woman can’t know about you from a chat up, or even after several dates. It therefore makes sense to ask around about someone you’re considering dating or just started dating. Those sources will provide critical intelligence. Someone must know somebody who knows her. If a woman is dating a guy for instance it makes sense to find out if he’s the violent type. Some guys can be of good behaviour until they’ve secured the contract. Then they manifest. Same thing goes for you. If you’re dating a woman you ought to find out about her from those who know her. Someone must know. She’ll have colleagues at work for instance. It just makes sense to ask around. That’s not saying people can’t be evil and say nasty or untrue things about someone during such enquiries. There are those who do that, sometimes out of envy. But other sources will counter such misinformation. You’ll get to know the truth about the person. Even banks have a KYC (Know Your Customer) program. The customer is obliged to provide enough information about himself from which his records can be verified. The principle permeates society. It makes sense to find out about the person you want to date from those who should know. There’s a lot of deceit out there.
 
I’m personally familiar with a case in which the girl told the guy she’s a medical doctor working at a particular public hospital and she was lying! She never studied medicine, or any other degree. Unfortunately for her the guy had friends in the medical complex she claimed to work, and when he casually mentioned the fact to her she declared she was going on sabbatical. She knew she’d be found out. References are important. In that particular case the guy had a premonition the lady wanted to entrap him with pregnancy. He just kept on having that feeling and he couldn’t understand why. That made him cautious. He’s very successful by the way. He made sure they never slept together in the period he knew her. She came over to his house one day and claimed it was a bit late to drive back home. Asked if she could sleep over. It was all a plan.
 
Because of the huge deceit out there you can’t just rely on what people say about themselves. Verify claims. There have been girls who dated a man for years only to find out the guy is married. There was a young lady who dated a man from her first year in university till final year and never knew he was married. Such things happen when enquiries are not made, when references are not sought. There will always be somebody who knows somebody.
In your case you were dealing with convoluted deceit. You dated a married woman unawares for almost two years. You never bothered to ask around about her. You relied solely on her words. That was a mistake. There are actors out there who’ll make Hollywood ashamed. Male and female. You’ll never guess they’re married. They face relationships with such seriousness; they give hope of marriage. You fell for a massive deceiver. From the facts you provided it is obvious she was struggling with conception. You were being set up as sperm donor. She just wanted to get pregnant. She didn’t care about you, never loved you. She was just using you, setting you up. Or how do you date a man for almost two years and never tell him you’re married! I’m sure the realisation you were being set up hit you like a rock and shook you to the core. You narrowly escaped something messy and nasty. You jumped a trap innocently. If her husband hadn’t called you, you wouldn’t have known. Which is why you ought to be careful in life. And I’m not saying be suspicious of people or treat everyone with suspicion. That’s wrong. But do due diligence.
 
As men we tend to be taken by beauty and dedicated interest – when a woman makes sure we know she’s interested in us. Personality is also big with us. It’s even worse when you’re in a state of romance. An ordinary TV show can set that off. It won’t really matter who shows up. You’re in love with the idea of being in love. You won’t see the person in front of you objectively. You’re not really interested in that person, you’re in love with a template. Truth is, any woman within your affection range will fit the bill. You’ve got to guard your affection. I’d advise you be unmoved by all those words of endearment from her. She’s manipulating you. You’re dealing with deceit. Now she’s been found out she’s generating texts of endearment to blunt the truth. She’s making all sorts of excuses. She may even tell you she never told you she was married because she didn’t want to lose you.
 
A relationship predicated on deceit, dishonesty and manipulation can’t produce trust. And trust is essential in a relationship. The confusion you have is, every time you look at her picture or read texts from her you get flustered. You want the beauty but you know the character doesn’t add up. You fear her tendencies. I’ll advice you run from this woman. Nothing good is going to come from her. She’s going to mess up your life. She’s already triangulated your heart to herself and her husband. If you proceed with a relationship with her things are really going to get messy. And you’re going to be cited in a divorce proceeding. You could say you didn’t know but now you know. You can’t claim ignorance again.
Hopefully you’ve learnt your lesson. Never take the world at face value. A filtration system, say a church helps. But even if you meet someone in church you should still do your due diligence. The church can be a perfect cover. You’re dealing with elemental spiritual intelligences in such systems. Same thing goes for the lady. There are guys who follow babes to church with the goal of defoliation or despoliation. And there are sons of Belial. Society is more complex now than in the days of your grandfather. Community was real back then. Those communities served as filtration systems. Now we have virtual communities. On platforms like Facebook friends can be total strangers.
 
At this stage of your life you’ll be open to possibilities. That’s because you want your own girlfriend. But there are possibilities that won’t work. As you get to know the person you’ll know it won’t work. But if instead of cutting your loss you persist it will become a relationship. And it will head for the altar. Disaster is on the horizon.
 
You were targeted by this lady but you didn’t realise. What you thought was a chance meeting was actually a well executed plan. Someone collated intelligence on you.
 
There are things you should ask God to save you from. Deceit is one. There are people out there who are callous. And there are weird definitions of love. How is massive deceit expression of love? How can love be unkind?
 
You’ve been saved from the snare of the fowler. Take the lesson forward. If it’s not adding up check out the facts. None of us dropped from the sky. We all have history, we all have provenance. Someone somewhere knows something about someone. Do due diligence.
 
Don’t take Facebook at face value.
 
Your mentor, LA.
 
© Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com
A relationship predicated on deceit, dishonesty and manipulation can’t produce trust. Click To Tweet
Tags : due diligence, Manipulation, know your partner

Post Your Comments Here

RECENT POSTS

SEARCH LETTERS

SEARCH BY DATE

TWEETS