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Tag Archives: Appreciation

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My dear Jil, I think the seeming complications in this relationship are being driven by your insecurities. It seems the things you’re worried about are nothing to this man. He doesn’t care. For instance you’re worried about whether you’re fine enough for him. (He had a beautiful girlfriend). But he wants you. Which means you’re beautiful enough for him. You’re also allowing his profile and achievements intimidate you. That’s a bit understandable. And yet he wants you. You really don’t know why he wants you do you? He doesn’t want you because of your beauty, he wants you because there’s “something” about you that resonates inside him. There’s something. You said it yourself: you just click! You just seem to get along. You can talk freely with him, you’re free with him, you can be yourself… And you feel safe around him. When you met the chemistry was instant. Continue reading

My dear young man, I kind of understand your confusion, if not disappointment. I mean, you went out of your way to buy the young lady a valentine’s gift… It’s something you thought through, just to make sure it’s the right gift for her. You went to that store, picked it yourself. And then nothing! Not a text, not a call to say thank you. You got that distinct feeling your effort was not appreciated; that the gift was not appreciated… Your gift ought to be appreciated, after all you bought it with your hard-earned money. The least she could do is call to say thank you, or send a thank you text that shows she appreciates the gift. Even outside the purview of relationship that’s courteous. When you’re given a gift you should at least say thank you. The whole thing kind of dashes your expectations, as well as projections. And it wasn’t a cheap present you bought. Makes you wonder. And makes her a wonderment.

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My dear Jack, the concept of a woman is most intriguing. For you to appreciate her you have to step out of that relationship and look at her like a scientist.

A woman is capable of a certain level of loyalty because her emotions are bound in her decisions. Men lack that level of capacity. Which is not saying men can’t be loyal. It’s just that a man’s loyalty is based on a different set of criteria – self-interest and principle. It’s wholly rational. But a woman’s loyalty is different. If she’s with you she’s with you. For the most it takes actively pushing her away, or doing something very hurtful to do away with that loyalty. And so when a woman hitches her wagon to a man, it’s a rather serious thing. Continue reading

My dear Jil, I’m not exactly sure what you want from this gentleman. It’s been one complaint after another. Not exactly sure what you want him to do about the issues you raised. It’s either you’re going to accept him with his background or you’re not going to. You’ve got to make up your mind. You count it against the young man his parents went through divorce. But how exactly is that his fault, or his business? Boy met girl. Boy married girl. Boy and girl couldn’t work it out. Boy and girl got divorced. How is that the fault of their children? Why label the children?

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Dear Jack, I think it’s about doing certain things just because it makes her happy. Your desire should be to do things that make her happy. Especially because of the fact she’s been a wonderful wife to you; she goes out of her way to be supportive of you, sticks by you no matter what. There are thus things you won’t ordinarily do, but you do them because they make her happy. That’s the least you can do for her – make her happy. And so you stretch yourself to buy that birthday present, do your best to make the day enjoyable for her – make it a day she can be happy. You just want to see her happy. It’s what couples should do for each other – sacrificially make each other happy. And she need not know you stretched yourself to make that birthday memorable. Doesn’t matter. If someone makes you happy, make the person happy. That’s a mantra to live by.

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My dear Jil, you shouldn’t get careless with your marriage. There are people who want what you have.

First, you have to be careful about not being available to your husband. That’s not really wise. He has needs – physical and emotional, and you’re the only legitimate fulfilment agency. As an entrepreneur, he particularly needs your moral and emotional support. He needs you for this journey called life. He needs your partnership. It’s important he feels he has you by his side, that he can count on you and your advice. He needs your consultations too.

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My dear Jil, he’s a chipmunk! That’s what he is! You know about chipmunks? They have an interesting quality. They have three-day memories. They can’t remember much beyond three days. So when they store food and don’t retrieve it before three days, they begin to scurry about searching for where they kept the food, desperately.

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My very own Jil, my one in a billion… It is that time of year again, when men express their feelings of love and appreciation to their woman. As I have done in previous years I write you once again, not just to express my love to you but to tell you how much I appreciate you.

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My dear Jack, well, I can still say Happy New Year, can’t I? We corresponded last, last year. I do hope the year began very well for you. Sometimes, things start lugubriously. But the pace will soon pick up. Just resolve to be a better version of yourself irrespective of the mistakes you’ve already made this year. Don’t let them weigh you down. The year is too young for you to already be giving up on yourself. And thank you for the kind sentiments in your mail. I’m touched.

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My dear Jack, it’s about being concerned for each other, being committed to each other’s welfare and progress. Every marriage has a potential history embedded. And things will play out over the years. There’s the very fact of the marriage itself but then there are all sorts of things that will go on in individual lives. For instance, she has her work and you have yours. Different things happen at work. If you love her you’ll support her to succeed at what she does, just as she owes you support too.
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