My dear Jil, the desires of our life naturally present their own logic. This is more so in relationships. But we don’t always factor in the logic of our desire. Continue reading
My dear Jil, the desires of our life naturally present their own logic. This is more so in relationships. But we don’t always factor in the logic of our desire. Continue reading
My dear Jil, as I read your mail, memories of a novel I read in secondary school came flooding in. I seriously doubt you’d have known a writer named James Hadley Chase – one of several pseudonyms. He wrote under five names. His birth name was actually Rene Lodge Brabazon Raymond. He was a crime writer, quite brilliant. Wrote 90 novels as Hadley Chase. Possibly read all ninety in secondary school! He had fantastic openings in his books. They’re the stuff of legend.
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My dear Jack, didn’t you know what she looked like without make-up before marriage? If after marriage you’re complaining about what she looks like without make-up, I then wonder about the quality of your courtship. Some women look pretty with or without make-up. Your woman in your estimation does not have that grace is what you’re saying. But that begs the question about the quality of relationship you had and how real you were to each other during courtship. It means you never saw her in unguarded moments. Means you never saw her without that mask. How do you court for a year and all you saw were only made-up versions of your girlfriend? What’s the quality of that courtship? Surely you must have known she went to bed without make-up. So it’s reasonable to assume she has an image sans make-up. And it’s also reasonable to assume she won’t always have make-up on after marriage.
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Dear Jack, you’re making a similar mistake as that gentleman who posted that funny text about his expectation for his wife: “6 months b4 I marry” he wrote, “I’ll tell my fiancée to go study my mum so she can be exactly like her. She’s too perfect!” In other words this young man wants to marry his mother. Continue reading
My dear Jil, I think you’re mixing up some things. In choosing a groom it’s right to look at the personal qualities of the person, not just his family. He may come from a wondrous family but if he himself lacks the qualities of a good husband, you’ll have marital issues. And so you have the man, his familial context, which by the way is very important; but then you also have the marital ambiance. Continue reading
Dear Jack, what I’m trying so hard to help you avoid is the “20year Mistake.” You see, there are some relationship mistakes we make in life that take twenty years to get out of. I know it sounds incredible but it’s the truth. Continue reading
Okay, let’s talk about this “fit” we’ve been talking about. You see, there are three pressure points for men when it comes to relationship. They are the head, the heart, the groin. The order of course depends on each man. For some people the groin comes first, for others it’s either of the other two. A good choice takes cognizance of all three though. Continue reading
I’m worried about the technical disqualification of your intended. And I call it technical disqualification because that’s what it is. Did you say your mum is asking you not to marry her just because she’s from another part of the country? Just because she belongs to another tribe, that’s the basis of the disqualification?! Most interesting! As it is, your matrimonial choice is geographically restricted. You’re disqualified from taking a wife from 90% of the ethnic landmass of your country. And of the remaining 10%, only 6% is matrimonially arable. Essentially what your mum is saying is, you can’t look farther than your state of origin for wife. Continue reading
