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Tag Archives: dating a married man

My dear Jil, I quite understand where you are… I do understand. If it’s not real, it’s not really temptation. You don’t tempt an alcoholic with water for example. If it’s not alcohol it can’t be temptation to him. Same thing goes for you. If hunger for affection isn’t your vulnerability this won’t be temptation to you. Our temptations define our vulnerabilities. What we’re tempted with is where we’re vulnerable. Your desire for this married man shows your vulnerability. Also gives you some knowledge about yourself – your capacities. A few years ago you’d have thought this was unthinkable. And so you have intelligence about yourself – shows you what you need to be careful about. Your emotions are your weak spot.

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My dear Jil, I know what the average man will do as regards this situation is condemn you. But I have seen life. I have seen life happen. I have seen that matters of the heart don’t always proceed rationally, that things do happen. I have also seen the power of need, that emotional needs are powerful. And that these needs are not easily understood by a bystander or third party. Our needs are invariably a catalogue of our history. They are demands made by us for the shortcomings in our life. Sometimes you meet that one person who ticks all your boxes – he’s all you want, only he’s married. Sometimes needs cross, like a pair of scissors – needy single girl meets needy wonderful man in a bad marriage. These are realities of life, one we’re not always willing to acknowledge despite the facts before us. Continue reading

My dear Jack, seems to me you’re speed-dating women. No, I’m not talking about the other variety – those events in which you’re given two minutes to consider dating someone. Or is that the date? You can see the conceptual paradox. You can’t achieve a reasonable objective in that context. At best those programmes are about eliminating whom not to date, and such a person must be an obvious misfit. The whole thing seems like guess work on a multiple choice exam paper. You go for such events with the attitude of “Who knows!” rather than “I’m sure to meet someone.” It’s really not that efficient when it comes to qualitative decisioning. The structure favours certain stereotypes – guys and babes who can make their case in two minutes flat. There’s just something rushed about it, something superficial. That’s why I said it’s at best an elimination exercise. You’re at the mercy of the quality of the pool of prospects. But that’s not what I want to talk to you about.
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Dear Jil, to be honest with you, you’re in a quandary. Dating a separated man is tricky. It can go either way. There’s a probability it may lead to marriage, a probability; but there’s also the probability he may return to his wife. Continue reading

My dear Jil, in my humble opinion you took the right decision for your life – you got out of the relationship. That was the only option available and it will hurt a while. You were emotionally invested. The hurt will be on two levels: there’s the hurt of getting out of a relationship. Then there’s the hurt of a postponed nuptial.  Continue reading