Tag Archives: Divorce

My dear Jil, I know what the average man will do as regards this situation is condemn you. But I have seen life. I have seen life happen. I have seen that matters of the heart don’t always proceed rationally, that things do happen. I have also seen the power of need, that emotional needs are powerful. And that these needs are not easily understood by a bystander or third party. Our needs are invariably a catalogue of our history. They are demands made by us for the shortcomings in our life. Sometimes you meet that one person who ticks all your boxes – he’s all you want, only he’s married. Sometimes needs cross, like a pair of scissors – needy single girl meets needy wonderful man in a bad marriage. These are realities of life, one we’re not always willing to acknowledge despite the facts before us. Continue reading →

My dear Jil, if there’s a prayer every father should pray for his daughter, it is, “May you not know a bad marriage.” The trauma of a bad marriage is unimaginable. And there are different layers to that trauma. Continue reading →

Dear Jack, both you and Jil have to learn to settle your quarrels internally. Resorting to third party adjudication of your matrimonial disputes ought to be a last resort. Really last resort. Every relationship ought to have its own conflict resolution system, or simple fights will lead to break up. It’s why you have to have a review mechanism for disagreements. There’ll always be points of disagreement. Continue reading →

Dear Jack, can you help me get this letter to Jil?

“My dear Jil, let me tell you a little bit about divorce, what many people don’t get… I’ve listened to all you said about your friend and his marriage. But these things are more complex than we imagine. And divorces don’t happen overnight, except of course in Vegas. Continue reading →

My dear Jil, if you lose your life to this marriage you will have yourself to blame. Truth is not always politically correct. Neither is wisdom. If I were you I’ll repudiate the advice of those religious folk who insist you should stay in this violent marriage and pray. These people are legalists who do not believe in divorce under any circumstance. Until THEIR child is in danger. Continue reading →

Dear Jack, I’m sorry your second marriage broke up. You had so much riding on it, so much hope invested. Of course I’m taking a public stand in support of you. May not go down with religious folk but what have I to do with them. Grace says don’t condemn or judge others, that you’re no better than anyone. Continue reading →

Dear Jil,

You know it’s a bit hard to argue with those in the legalistic chambers of Moses about divorce. They insist there can be no divorce under any circumstance, until of course it’s their daughter, or sister. Sometimes it’s ignorance, and sometimes it’s that judgmental condemnatory spirit garnished in bigoted religious sadism. Continue reading →

My dear Jack, I’m not sure you’ve heard of the Joseph Equation? Well I’ll tell you!

From the Biblical trilogy of the genealogy of Abraham we know Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers. It was a gruesome experience – possibly consanguineous to the trauma of the 276 girls kidnapped by Boko Haram in Nigeria. His life progressed on a journey of indeterminate fate. He finally got a reprieve from being bought by a high ranking Egyptian state official, Portiphar. But then things got complicated when Mrs. Portiphar, his master’s lecherous wife decided to bed him. She wasn’t known for concupiscent subtlety, and when he spurned her advances, she unleashed the furies of hell. Poor Joseph landed in prison on a trumped up charge of rape and aggravated assault. No trial or possibility of parole.

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Dear Jil,

I am worried for the life of your sister. She’s in a horrible and terribly abusive marriage; and why is everyone playing religious ostrich? If anything untoward happens to her would you not all bear moral responsibility for her death? Continue reading →