Tag Archives: expressiveness

My dear Jil, I’ll advise you learn not to incubate ill feelings in your relationship. It can be dangerous in marriage. Why don’t you just call your partner, sit down with him and discuss whatever the issue is? The longer you leave an issue the more it festers. It’s like a pore fungus in a culture dish. It’ll just keep growing and multiplying. And when emotions are layered on a perceived offence you have something serious and potentially dangerous brewing. Continue reading →

My dear Jack, it’s about possibility thinking. You’ve got to believe in possibilities. If you want to be an achiever you must believe in possibilities.

Possibilities are first and foremost inside of you. You meet them on the inside before you see them on the outside. Possibility is your heart pressing against your insides, pushing against the strains, challenging militating circumstances you encounter on the inside, refusing to accept status quo. Possibility is your heart seeking to work out different routes to your future, wondering how to deal with obstacles. It’s your heart breaking down a major challenge into pieces of achievable chunks, all with a view to overcome the challenge identified. You can’t attain unless you believe in possibilities.

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My dear Jack, you’re obviously not who she wants. She’s holding out for someone. But like they say, a bird in hand is worth two in the bush, so she maintains relationship with you but won’t promise marriage. She can’t make such commitment because you’re not what she wants. You’ve been dating for a year now and she won’t talk marriage – not even preliminary bits. And she’s told you she’s not promising marriage. Maybe you both need to sit down and define what exactly this relationship is.

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My dear Jack, Valentine is coming up. You spoke about taking her to dinner. Is that still on? It’s the opportunity you have to re-sit that exam she conducted when she asked what made you convinced she was the one. Like I told you, in my mail she’s not looking for a narration of the sequence of your conviction. She just wanted you to give her words of assurance. It was a security question.

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My dear Jil, you could have solved this whole thing with just three words – “I am sorry!” If you had said those words right after you discovered he was upset, and really meant it, you wouldn’t be at this impasse. And we can say “I’m sorry” and not mean it, you know, say it as something that’s meant to be said, just so we say we placated our partner. But it comes across very wrongly. Continue reading →

My dear Jil, we underestimate the importance of happiness in marriage. You shouldn’t go into a marriage in which you’re not going to be happy. It’s horrendous. You will be frustrated beyond measure, unable to communicate what’s really eating you up.
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My dear Jil, this has to be one of the most painful letters I ever wrote; it’s a letter I wish I didn’t have to write. But first, thank you for calling me the other day. Was refreshing hearing from you. I had actually put out word for you since I didn’t have your contact details. I’d asked your friends. Was told you were abroad. You can imagine my pleasant surprise hearing your voice on Thursday. It’s been a long time since we spoke.
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Come on Jack, there’s something called anticipatory affection and there’s also responsorial affection. If she sends you a kisses emoticon that’s anticipatory affection. She’s anticipating a like-minded response. If you send back a similar emoticon that’s responsorial affection. These things have nuances. Continue reading →

My dear Jil, of course you’ve heard of the phrase, “Ceteris paribus.” It’s a Latin phrase meaning “other things being equal.” Another translation of “ceteris paribus” is “all other things being constant,” or “all else unchanged.” It’s a deploy of economists in determining causation and isolating variables. It’s almost like freezing time. But it’s not really real because in life other things are never equal. In life all else don’t remain unchanged, all other things are not constant, every action provokes a reaction; a change occurs.
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My dear Jack, the simple truth is, both of you are generating different realities from the same set of facts. And that’s because each of you is processing the facts through his or her desire. She wants a much earlier wedding, you want a latter wedding. That simple fact is at the root of the issues in this relationship. It’s what is affecting the relationship, it’s what is determining and driving the interpretation of facts.
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