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Tag Archives: Giving

My dear Jack, there are two capacities you must develop if you want to make a success of your relationship and indeed life. You must develop capacity for introspection and capacity for critical self-analysis. The two are not the same. By introspection I mean the ability to look inward, to consider your life, your direction; to see where you’re coming from, know where you are, where you want to go. It’s a meditative exercise, sort of. Doesn’t mean you have to lock up yourself in a room cross legged, breathing methodically. It’s just having some quiet in your inner self, seeing things through your inner eyes. It’s not meant to be a pity party either. Introspection is neutral in emotion. It’s not about feeling sorry for yourself. It’s simply looking inside. Introspection allows us to see the need for a plan. It doesn’t come up with the plan but it will give you an awareness of the need for a plan. Planning requires rational energy. That’s not the energy employed by introspection. It uses a different form of energy. Introspection doesn’t sweat. It has a coolant.

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My dear young man, I kind of understand your confusion, if not disappointment. I mean, you went out of your way to buy the young lady a valentine’s gift… It’s something you thought through, just to make sure it’s the right gift for her. You went to that store, picked it yourself. And then nothing! Not a text, not a call to say thank you. You got that distinct feeling your effort was not appreciated; that the gift was not appreciated… Your gift ought to be appreciated, after all you bought it with your hard-earned money. The least she could do is call to say thank you, or send a thank you text that shows she appreciates the gift. Even outside the purview of relationship that’s courteous. When you’re given a gift you should at least say thank you. The whole thing kind of dashes your expectations, as well as projections. And it wasn’t a cheap present you bought. Makes you wonder. And makes her a wonderment.

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My dear Jil, it’s really very simple when you think of it. What you want in a relationship you must be prepared to give. If you want devotion, give devotion. If you want affection, give affection. If you want care, give care. What you want, give! Seems so simple, doesn’t it? These are simple rules of relationship and happiness. If you check out fantastic marriages, you’ll see these rules being applied. And they don’t seem like work because love is present. Continue reading

Dear Jack, a marriage can quickly become stale as a couple “settles down.” Anything stale and mouldy can’t be good. As with bread so is marriage. Yes, the courtship stage is over but it’s important to keep the momentum in marriage, even if it’s not exactly same quality. Life can be terribly busy but you have to create special occasions. You have to enjoy yourselves as a couple. Life will never end. It just keeps going and it will outlast you. You can’t overtake life. So sometimes, it’s best to get off the bus as a couple, get away from the chores of life and enjoy yourselves. The responsibilities of life never end. You have to create space to be a couple. It can be anything from going to the movies, to going for a drink together, to going to an informal party or hosting one.
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My dear Jil, the problem sometimes is that we think successful relationships are auto-regulated. Nothing could be farther from the truth and such notions are a mirage. It explains why it seems people are expecting in relationships and not giving. They expect things to happen to them and so the relationship becomes one-sided, one party doing the giving. As long as the other party is putting effort into the relationship, the relationship will seemingly work; until the counter-party begins to expect some reciprocity for all his investment, emotional and material. Continue reading

Dear Jack, this morning I’d like to share some thoughts with you about giving and its role in business development. The value of a gift is incalculable both to the giver and the receiver, but curiously the greater beneficiary is the giver!

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