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Tag Archives: Happiness

My dear Jil, we underestimate the importance of happiness in marriage. You shouldn’t go into a marriage in which you’re not going to be happy. It’s horrendous. You will be frustrated beyond measure, unable to communicate what’s really eating you up.
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My dear Jil, you have to be careful about a self-centered attitude in a relationship. It has consequences. The problem many times is that people who exercise this trait are so used to it they’re not even self-aware. They’re used to getting away with intolerable behavior. That is until the pliant boyfriend says he’s had enough. Then like Esau they begin to cry to have the man back. They begin to beg for what was theirs. Unbearable behavior cannot be your operating system. You will lose the relationship, even in marriage. Selfishness inoculates against sensitivity. Continue reading

My dear Jil, I did warn you about this guy. Wish you’d listened to me. The guy doesn’t love you. He just wanted to use you, and you knew that. Funny I spend more time trying to dissuade young people from making ruinous marital decisions than on any other issue. If I were you I’ll proceed to church to do thanksgiving it didn’t work out. Stop crying. God delivered you. Of course it’s a painful thing to have a crashed relationship. Unless you weren’t invested. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Continue reading

My dear Jil, take it that you have just one decision to make, not a flurry of decisions. And it’s important you rightly frame the question. Sometimes, we make a mistake in framing the marriage question.

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Dear Jack, a good marriage is more important to a man than a young man can ever fathom. A lack of appreciation of this simple fact has unfortunately sent many men to the psychiatry ward, some to early death. As a man you need peace at home. Ambient peace. Without atmospheric peace your soul will be troubled. And when your soul is troubled your energy level will drop, which then affects the energy available for you to succeed. Continue reading

Dear Jil,

‘Tis that season again. The season of Christmas. It’s the season of love and joy, and goodwill to all men. What I want to do in this letter is bring to your remembrance some of the things we shared in the course of the year. I do hope you’ve bought the gift for your husband. Make it something special for him. Well, here are the nuggets from our discussions this year. Enjoy! Continue reading

My dear Jil, you can’t be reliant on your boyfriend for happiness. You can’t be dependent on a man for happiness. And that’s a heavy burden to load on someone. It can’t be fair! No man possesses that kind of capacity- to keep someone happy. It’s an emotional albatross. In a way he literally has to give up his life to tend to your happiness. It’s some form of control on your part. It’s reverse selfishness and it’s dangerous. You’ll never be satisfied. You’re going to end up hating him. And that’s because you’ll be holding him responsible for your unhappinesses.

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