Tag Archives: Jealousy

My dear Jack, this is a casus belli situation. In case you don’t know what “casus belli” is, it’s a Latin expression meaning an act or event that provokes or is used to justify war. Perhaps you don’t realise it but you’re turning this issue into casus belli – a provocation scheme or justification for war. You’ve already had a discussion on the issue, drop it! The answers you got may not be adequate but they’re a reflection of your girlfriend’s portrait of you. She’s fessed up but you’re still driving the issue as if you’re a criminal investigation department interrogator following leads. You’ve got the answer you need yet you insist on humiliating her into a full scale confessional.

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We all have a past Jil, there’s none of us without a past. There’s none of us who hasn’t done something he or she is not ashamed of in life. We all have unrevealed stuff that make us cringe in regret, actions we’d rather not talk about, memories we’d rather not revisit. Unless of course you somehow did a quantum leap over the period of youth and arrived at adulthood suddenly. Even as adults there are things we’ve all done we’re ashamed of. Everybody has a past, everybody has a present. Agreed some pasts are grosser than others and some sins more egregious than others, but we’re all sinners.
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My dear Jack, well, if she earns higher than you what can you do? It’s what it is. I mean, you can’t tell her employer to reduce her pay because she earns higher than you! “Increase my salary because my girlfriend earns higher than I” is obviously not tenable in the corporate sector. Someone is bound to ask, why don’t you date someone earning lower than you if it’s a real concern?
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My dear Jil, you probably haven’t heard about Darius Complex. It stems from ancient history – a king in ancient times who arrogated to himself God-like powers. The name of this king was Darius. For thirty days everyone was supposed to pray to King Darius as if he was God. You weren’t allowed to pray to any other deity. Everyone had to supplicate Darius, king of Persia for all their needs in those thirty days. He was in effect acting God. Of course if you lived in Ancient Persia at that time and you worshipped God, the advent of this “Man-God” must have been alarming. That’s where “Darius Complex” came from – it’s about a human taking absolute authority over another person’s life.
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Dear Jil, first, you don’t generalise about men. (Men shouldn’t generalise women too!) The statement, “All sparrows are black” has to be a presumptive fallacy since we can’t say we’ve come across all sparrows. It’s why we don’t generalise about the sexes. You can only talk about the men you know, or been told about. Even that is hearsay. Second, you don’t bring the spirit of gender unionism into your marriage. It’s not a “Men versus Women” thing. Third, other men are not your concern really. Just your husband. Marriage is very proprietary, narrow and custom. And so what you need to concern yourself with is your husband, not other people’s husbands. They’re not your worry. If others say their husbands are crazy but you know yours is sane, you don’t import non-existent insanity into your marriage. And so I understand your concern about men in general but men, in general, are not your concern. You’re not God.
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My dear Jil, you’ve got to break this chain of she said, she said, she said. It’s all gossip. Gossip is why there’s present continuous fight among you and your friends. Hardly is one she said settled when another she said resurfaces. Sometimes she said within she said. And so your relationship with your girlfriends is in a constant state of she said she said she said. And you’re so few. There’s a fluid alliance generated by all this gossip. Your friend today may say something behind your back tomorrow. Then to defend yourself you have an ally with someone who said last week, only you fought before the new she said. It’s like someone is playing you guys like marionettes, like someone stirring up strife among you. With all this gossip you and your friends are more or less a “Real Wives” TV series now. All we need is cameras.
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My dear Jack, you’re only going to create confusion with this binary equation you’re embracing. There are going to arise serious complications dating two girls at once. And contradictions. Fidelity will be an irony. Yes, I know you don’t mean to, and that cowardice landed you in this technical default… But the fact remains you’re in a relationship with two women and you’re going to create something messy, hurt someone. Continue reading →

Dear Jill

She’s a gorgeously beautiful woman, one of those nature showed partiality. You can’t help but notice her in a crowd, any crowd. Her complexion glows in radiance, like an incandescent reflector. Her sense of fashion only lends credence to the conviction of those who believe some things are just talent. Perhaps indeed no amount of tutorial can match the effortless disposition of those innately wired. This isn’t just about beauty. There is an intrinsic sophistication domesticated in her, in her poise. Her make-up is impeccable. No speck out of place, no painterliness overstepping its bounds. She does look like a dolly – a polyurethane version of human flesh; like a trick of the senses. You know someone is talented when it all seems so effortless. It takes talent to creatively ensemble simplicity.

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Dear Jil

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard ringing phrases in your ear. You know, words that just keep looping in the ears, repeating themselves over and over again.

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