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Tag Archives: Moving on

My dear Jil, it’s unfortunate, and I quite empathise with your situation but that ship has sailed. You’ll have to accept the reality. He’s gone! Another woman has him now. Prized guys don’t hang around for too long. You were late in appreciating his worth. He waited on you for two years! That’s a long time for a guy to be waiting for a response. But he wanted you and so he persisted, patiently, hoping you’ll come around. He was just hanging in there. You never said yes, and you never said no. His fate was hanging in the balance, his future suspended. It’s a credit to his character and conviction he hung around for so long. Which was kind of a technical rejection. Rejection hurts. Not many people can take it, but this guy persisted. After two years he probably just gave up, believed you’ll never say yes. And so when this other lady showed specific interest he did what any reasonable guy in his position would do. He asked her out. He was under the pressure of shame. Everyone kept wondering, asking what’s going on, some mocking his faith. The other lady saw what you didn’t see on time, though some will say what you refused to see. She saw value in him and grabbed him with both hands.

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My dear Jil, I know what the average man will do as regards this situation is condemn you. But I have seen life. I have seen life happen. I have seen that matters of the heart don’t always proceed rationally, that things do happen. I have also seen the power of need, that emotional needs are powerful. And that these needs are not easily understood by a bystander or third party. Our needs are invariably a catalogue of our history. They are demands made by us for the shortcomings in our life. Sometimes you meet that one person who ticks all your boxes – he’s all you want, only he’s married. Sometimes needs cross, like a pair of scissors – needy single girl meets needy wonderful man in a bad marriage. These are realities of life, one we’re not always willing to acknowledge despite the facts before us. Continue reading

My dear Jil, you need to be careful about mounting pressure on a guy to marry you. Once a guy starts saying, “You’re too good for me”… “I am unworthy of your love”… “I believe you’ll be happier without me”… It’s a civil way of saying I want to break with you. Sometimes it’s, “I am going through a lot right now”… Or “Things are quite difficult for me right now and I don’t want you to suffer with me”… These are not good signs. They’re polite rejections. If you persist the guy will cut off, not reply your texts, or calls, or mails. What he’s saying is, “Didn’t you get the message?”

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