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Tag Archives: Pregnancy

My dear Jack, I must confess I read your mail with a tinge of sadness. How do you do that to a woman? You dated this young woman for two years, all the while sleeping with her and impregnating her. And now she’s suddenly no good for you. Meanwhile you were the one who insisted she keep the pregnancy. There must be something I’m not getting… And this is not about the dialectics of abortion or no abortion. That’s not the issue here. The issue is, why would you insist a girl keep a pregnancy when you have no intention of marrying her? You impregnated her to have a child or what? You wanted the child but didn’t want her? Or were you confused when you insisted she must have the child? An independent observer would want to know your exact intention. The pregnancy is to what end? And especially given the things you said about her.

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My dear Jack, the starting point is seeing your gynaecologist. He or she will give you a picture of what’s going on. I advise this so your imagination is not fired up with worst case scenarios. Which is really what we tend to do in these circumstances. We automatically begin to imagine the worst, start all sorts of permutation, calculating our odds and options.
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Dear Jil, surely you can see these plans are asinine. I mean, how does it make it sense?! You’re dating a guy who lives abroad and hardly comes to town – may be once a year. So you don’t see him much. You face the typical challenge of long distance relationship. However much you do Facetime it’s never like being together. But instead of talking marriage, this man is talking about making you a baby mama. Why would you want to be baby mama instead of wife? And according to him you’ll have to stay here for two years after you’ve had the baby. You can’t travel to stay with him immediately. This allegedly is to ensure you don’t do menial job when you travel to meet him in UK! I’m lost and confused over this logic. So you stay two years apart so you don’t do menial job in the UK. Don’t get it, what’s the link?
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My dear Jil, you’re going into a contractual relationship not a marriage. May God grant you wisdom to know the difference! When a guy insists you get pregnant or he won’t marry you, just know it’s a surrogacy contract. Of course he’s highly presumptuous about the forces of life with such proposition. What if you get pregnant and he marries you but thereafter lose the pregnancy? And what happens to the marriage? And what if you indeed deliver a baby but you lose the baby? What happens to the marriage? And what happens to you if you can’t have another child suppose you lose the one that produced the marriage? These things happen and have happened and will continue to happen. We don’t control life and there are forces beyond us.
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My dear Jack, you lost the right to say those things many months ago. And you should know better. I’ve repeatedly told you to learn to take responsibility in life. You can’t impregnate a lady and begin to say those things I hear you speak. For example, it’s rather too late to say she’s not the type of woman you want carrying your child. She may well not be, but she’s already carrying your child. The argument is moot. You open yourself to charges of opportunism if you insist on that line of argument. Means your pursuit of crass opportunism became a fish bone lodged in your throat. As many will rightly ask, if you knew all that why did you sleep with her…why did you stray from your specs? Continue reading

Dear Jack, come on! How could you have fallen for this ruse? Clearly this woman targeted you and you fell for it. Any woman could have warned you. Women see these things afar off! And women say men never see these things, that men underestimate devious intentions of the feminine variety. Women can smell a groom raider miles off, which is why they implement strategic defensive maneuvers. This woman clearly set you up. She came needful of emotional comfort with a view. Of course one thing will lead to another. And now she’s pregnant. Only now you realize you were set up. I warned you about opportunistic sex. You ought to be careful, though in your case that advice is no longer applicable. Continue reading

My dear Jack, no one can force you to marry whom you don’t want to marry. Choice of marital mate is your prerogative. Marriage is an act of will. It’s why we say, “I do”. That presupposes we can say, “I don’t”, even at the altar! You shouldn’t marry under compulsion. If you don’t want to marry someone, don’t! But that doesn’t absolve you of responsibility for the natural consequences of your actions: If you impregnate someone you’ve got to take responsibility for the pregnancy. And please don’t tell me the pregnancy was a mistake. Considering how pregnancy comes about, how can it be a mistake? You went into a young woman. You impregnated her according to the order of nature. If you were not mistaken with penetrative deliberateness, how come the result of your ardour is now tagged a “mistake”? Continue reading

My dear Jack, you’ve got to rekindle the romance in your marriage. Romance is a conscious thing. It’s not a mood that descends on you at full moon. You’re not a wolf.

Childbirth does have an effect on women in ways men can’t imagine. Creates physiognomic distortion. And some women suffer mentally – Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Giving birth is traumatic. Many women develop permanent marks from childbirth. Some stretch marks don’t erase. Stretch marks depend on heredity. They occur when the collagen and elastin in the skin stretch beyond snapping back.

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Dear Jil, pregnancy exeat has its consequences. It’s not the best way to leave home. What’s pregnancy exeat? It’s deliberately getting pregnant to escape your parents or home situation. Even if the guy is a responsible young man who isn’t with you just for sex and will still want to marry you after you get pregnant, pregnancy exeat nonetheless has challenges.

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