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Tag Archives: Sensitivity

My dear Jack, the concept of a woman is most intriguing. For you to appreciate her you have to step out of that relationship and look at her like a scientist.

A woman is capable of a certain level of loyalty because her emotions are bound in her decisions. Men lack that level of capacity. Which is not saying men can’t be loyal. It’s just that a man’s loyalty is based on a different set of criteria – self-interest and principle. It’s wholly rational. But a woman’s loyalty is different. If she’s with you she’s with you. For the most it takes actively pushing her away, or doing something very hurtful to do away with that loyalty. And so when a woman hitches her wagon to a man, it’s a rather serious thing. Continue reading

My dear Jil, there’s such a thing as loyalty in marriage. Couples must be loyal to each other. You cover your husband’s shame in marriage. You don’t expose him to ridicule in difficult times. You don’t offer him to derision. That’s not wise. Continue reading

Dear Jack, I think it’s about doing certain things just because it makes her happy. Your desire should be to do things that make her happy. Especially because of the fact she’s been a wonderful wife to you; she goes out of her way to be supportive of you, sticks by you no matter what. There are thus things you won’t ordinarily do, but you do them because they make her happy. That’s the least you can do for her – make her happy. And so you stretch yourself to buy that birthday present, do your best to make the day enjoyable for her – make it a day she can be happy. You just want to see her happy. It’s what couples should do for each other – sacrificially make each other happy. And she need not know you stretched yourself to make that birthday memorable. Doesn’t matter. If someone makes you happy, make the person happy. That’s a mantra to live by.

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My dear Jil, you shouldn’t get careless with your marriage. There are people who want what you have.

First, you have to be careful about not being available to your husband. That’s not really wise. He has needs – physical and emotional, and you’re the only legitimate fulfilment agency. As an entrepreneur, he particularly needs your moral and emotional support. He needs you for this journey called life. He needs your partnership. It’s important he feels he has you by his side, that he can count on you and your advice. He needs your consultations too.

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My dear Jack, the simple truth is, both of you are generating different realities from the same set of facts. And that’s because each of you is processing the facts through his or her desire. She wants a much earlier wedding, you want a latter wedding. That simple fact is at the root of the issues in this relationship. It’s what is affecting the relationship, it’s what is determining and driving the interpretation of facts.
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Jack, there’s a balance somewhere and it’s not always easy to find. You don’t want to be isolated as a man, but at the same time you don’t want your wife feeling threatened and insecure. Both of you have to work out a balance, you have to develop and nurture mutual understanding. Put first things first – your wife has to be #1 in all you do. That’s non-negotiable. Continue reading

My dear Jack, you shouldn’t be careless with your marriage. Your wife is at an emotional inflection point and you’re not even aware. That’s careless. Yes, I know you’re working so hard to take care of the family but if you lose the family, what’s the point? If you keep going this way you’re going to get blindsided by life. You’re setting yourself up for a nasty surprise. I know you love her but you’re not paying attention to those things we spoke about.
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My dear Jil, you’re not going to have everything you want in a man, any more than you can be everything a man wants. The man who is EVERYTHING you want has to be someone you made. In which case you’re divinity. Man is the sum total of his genetic ancestry, nurture, knowledge, environment, cultural and spiritual influences. It’s hard to therefore, imagine that a man will be 100% of your requirement. You have no influence on any of those factors. By the time you arrived on the scene the man was already “formed.” Every other modification is now voluntary. And so we marry those who are largely what we want, not everything we’d desired. Or we’ll never marry. That man you want doesn’t exist and can’t exist. You’ll have to create him yourself. And you have to be afraid of creating such a man for yourself considering flaws in your judgment, character and make up. That means whatever you create must necessarily be a flawed individual. You’re flawed in your thinking.
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Dear Jil, I want you to be sensitive in your marriage. It’s the seeming lack of sensitivity that is causing the problems you have in your marriage. Of course, you’re not a selfish person. Forgive your husband for saying that in anger. He ought to have been careful about what he said. He’s going through some tough time in his business. You need to be sensitive about that. To his credit, he’s still meeting all the obligations at home, though he sometimes strains himself. Of course, he knows you’ve been a solid partner, picking up the slacks, doing your bit quietly. He knows you’re understanding, fundamentally. And that’s good.
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